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May 27th 2016 Shares

Guy Goes To Meet Two Women For A Threesome But It All Goes Wrong Very Quickly

George Pavlou in community

Have you ever decided to take the plunge and meet up with someone you met off a dating app only to discover what's on their profile is not what the reality looks like at all? Oh, all the time? Yeah, same.

Kyle Barber's story is a bit like that, but like, a thousand times worse. It wasn't so much that his match didn't look like what she did on her profile, it was more the lifestyle she evidently enjoyed living.

So let's just get into it...

Kyle, a 26-year-old 'professional gambler' (seriously, check out his page, the guy will bet anything) from Newcastle, uses dating apps, specifically Plenty of Fish. One day he got a message from a woman asking him to take a friend to her house for some fun with her and her cousin the following night. Kyle being the care-free type thought, "Fuck it, what can go wrong?"

The simple answer to that is: a lot.

At the pub, six or seven pints down and Kyle receives a message from the girl telling him to come over that night. The only problem was that he didn't have anyone to take with him so he told her but she replied that her cousin would be up for a threesome if she was drunk.

"Well that was it, my life long fream of making love to two women at the same time was going to be fulfilled," Kyle told us.

He quickly called a taxi, popped into Asda for a litre of vodka and was on his merry way. Naturally, the taxi driver was impressed and calling him a 'legend' and the like.

"The taxi driver pulls up to them to have a good look, he shakes my hand and says, 'Go get 'em Kyle'," he continued. "This is where it all goes tits up."

And it really does. We'll let Kyle tell the rest of the story in the vivid way only he can...

"I walk into this flat and immediately smell cat shit. It reeks of shit. I close the door and walk up stairs to the living room. It was fucking disgusting. The room was covered in rubbish, there were plates down the side of the sofa, flys flying about like they were auditioning for The Ring 3 and a single bed at the end of the room that looked like it was used to give birth on."

All going swimmingly so far...

"I pretend like this stuff doesn't affect me and I make a joke and we have a little laugh. I ask them to sort some drinks out while I go to the toilet but before I left, I notice one of the girls grab a cup from underneath the sofa to pour the vodka in."

"I open the bathroom door - or should I say fly waiting room - and it was covered in shit. I leave the bathroom pretending I'm on the phone to my brother to tell them he's on his way. I ask them their address and pretend to pass it on. I sat down for ten minutes and pretended to drink vodka and then tell them he's outside.

"They asked, 'You want us to come with you?' to which I replied ,'No, I'll be back in two minutes'."

Needless to say, he was not back in two minutes. He wasn't even back in ten minutes.

"I fucking legged it. Foun a taxi driver/hero and he took me home laughing his tits off."

Naturally, Kyle was bombarded with calls from the girls asking him where he was so he bloked the numbers and unmatched from PoF - seems like a wise decision.

I guess deciding to not meet up with two random women to get drunk and have a threesome is also a wise decision but we can't make the right choice every time.

And why did Kyle feel the need to share this story with us all? Well, he had one simple warning.

"Careful who you meet on dating apps."

Sounds about right to me. Stay safe out there, lads.

Words by George Pavlou

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