Everyone likes to think that when you've notched up enough hours playing Call of Duty and watching action films, you'd be able to take down anyone who dared to step in your path. In reality, we probably would come off second best if we tried to use our osmosis-learned skills in a fight or on the battlefield.
However, one bloke from Washington managed to do just this.
Alex Lovell woke up to find his girlfriend Emily Javier allegedly hitting him with the blunt side of a goddamn samurai sword she bought from a mall.
According to court documents, the 30-year-old reportedly found Tinder on Lovell's phone and red hair in the shower drain and this was the way she confronted him about it.
Credit: Alex Lovell/Facebook
Alex went into full battle-mode and channelled a form of martial arts that he was 'obsessed' with after watching the kung fu movie Ip Man.
The 29-year-old told Buzzfeed: "I've been indirectly preparing myself for this night my whole life.
"I didn't freeze. The Wing Chun came out. I was able to stand on a knee that was just almost chopped in half and a foot that was hanging on by a thread."
The injuries he sustained are nothing short of fucking brutal.
Three fingers on his left hand have been pretty much sliced clean off, according to the Columbian. Thankfully, doctors reattached them and he's still able to use them. His right hand also copped a few lacerations and fractures, there were several slices made on his stomach and his head sustained a 'decent cut' as well.
Alex says he eventually talked Emily down and convinced her to call emergency services, fearing he would die if she didn't.
"I ended up just telling her if she didn't call the cops I was going to die...She started crying, ran out the room, and saved my life. So, yes, I instantly forgave her," he told Buzzfeed.
Ms Javier has been charged with attempted murder and she pleaded not guilty at Clark County Superior Court.
Police claim she had been preparing to kill him for a week after finding Tinder, sexually suggestive scratches on his back and the odd-coloured hair. But the straw the broke the camel's back, according to the Columbian, was when she came home one day and he ignored her.
Alex had admitted he was spending a hell of a lot of time playing video games and that it had 'killed' his sex drive.
His mates have set up a GoFundMe page, with more than $8,130 being donated in the past 11 days to help with his rehabilitation.
Featured Image Credit: Alex Lovell/Facebook