In 2010, I began to be targeted by men online. I came out on Facebook at the age of 13 and, shortly after that, was the first time I started speaking to someone on the internet. He was young, too - only 16 and from the next town. It wasn't long until our conversations turned sexual and we swapped pictures and videos. It was these early exchanges that served as the gateway to looking on other websites for more people to talk to.
This was where I met older guys and the coercion began. I was encouraged to send sexual images of myself on the basis that they'd then send them to me. The lines surrounding indecent images, grooming and sexual assault are fairly blurred, especially for younger people. A victim may feel that what is happening to them is the norm, purely because of naivety. They're manipulated, emotionally and physically, and led to believe that what they're taking part in is common.
I was made to think that all of this was part of being gay - sharing stuff online, meeting up with older guys and having photos taken when we were having sex. When people eventually tried to stop me, I felt as though they were trying to stop me being gay.
The experiences had a significant emotional impact at the time. I started falling out with my parents a lot more, and I started getting quite violent - throwing things around the room, smashing trophies.
Because I was doing that, my social life became a lot more locked down. My parents were trying to track me at all times; they didn't trust me when I said where I was going. Because I couldn't see my friends as much, and do what I wanted, I deteriorated even more.
School was falling apart; I was falling out with teachers every day, being put in isolation and detentions. It all went straight downhill. Within a month, I went from being someone who'd never fall out with anyone, to someone who'd go looking for fights.
I was defensive about it all. This was just before the police and my parents found out about what was happening. I was angry because I'd been made to feel by these abusers that I was an adult and that I could do what I wanted, but I wasn't being treated that way by others.
I wasn't in the right place, mentally. I didn't think it was wrong; these guys had been working me for so long. When everyone stepped in, took my phone from me and tried to make me stop meeting up with these people, I felt like my right to being gay was being challenged - because all of the stuff with these guys was made to feel so normal.
I rebelled against it. It spiralled out of control. It wasn't for quite a while that I saw it as a relief that people were trying to help. I was given a care worker from a special charity which dealt with boys in my situation, a support worker and the police. They assigned me an officer from the Gay Police Association (GPA) to act as a mentor.
At first it was a battle with me to try and get me to see what was wrong. I didn't want to talk to the police, I didn't help them with interviews, I completely shut down.
It was months of them telling me the situation, trying to make me realise that it was dangerous, that me and those men weren't equal; I was a child, not an adult.
It's been six years since it all happened and, although I've become progressively better, the impact of abuse is long term. The only aspect that it impacts now is dating. I have trust issues with people not having the right intentions. But there's no more anger or aggression.
Ninety-nine percent of the time, I am just a normal 19-year-old student. Every now and then stuff will flare up, or an incident will happen. I might have a bad week or feel a bit low, but compared to what it used to be like it's completely minimal. It's basically just a normal life now.
But I do still feel sort of powerless as I know those images and videos of me are out there and there's nothing I can do about it. And there will be loads of other guys and girls in my situation, too.
Because of the advancement in technology and social media, it becomes a lot easier to talk to people and for conversations to spiral and images to spread. But most people don't know that, even if they just view a sexual image of someone under 18 online, they're committing a crime. And, to me, anyone who does view images like that are as bad as the abusers themselves.
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