Woman Who Dreamed Of Suicide Because Of Amputated Hand Overcomes 'Toxic' Thoughts

A woman has overcome her suicidal thoughts after having her hand amputated at birth and is now a body-positive blogger and ambassador for the NAM (Non-Airbrushed Me) movement.

Twenty-three-year old Molly Higgins, from Los Angeles, had her right hand removed shortly after she was born and has a severely damaged left one.

While growing up Molly says she struggled with 'toxic thoughts' about what other people thought of her, as well as people staring at her in the street. She now says she's fighting against these negative thoughts and is a mission to show the world she is more than just 'disabled'.

Credit: Media Drum
Credit: Media Drum

She said: "I haven't known life any other way. From the beginning, I had to learn how to do everything differently - there was no one else to look to for guidance, or to teach me, which made me fiercely independent and headstrong. Each new experience was uncharted, uncertain waters which I had to traverse on my own.

"I also learned how to put up boundaries, walls and shields to protect myself. Don't look vulnerable. Don't look like you're struggling. Don't let them know you're hurting. Keep your guard up and make sure everyone thinks that you are fine, because you need to prove yourself, your strength, and your worth. And that's the way I've lived for most of my life.

Credit: Media Drum
Credit: Media Drum

"I've always felt the need to go above and beyond to prove to others that I am 'just like everyone else'. I don't feel like 'that girl with one hand', yet that's how I am perceived to many.

Despite the stares on the street, and what she thought others were saying about her, Molly believes that the biggest struggles she faced were the ones she put on herself.

"Yes, people judge me. Yes, people stare at me. Yes, people doubt my ability. But those people aren't really stopping me from what I want. Anything I haven't done was because of myself," she explained.

"My own fears and insecurities have held me back from experiencing so much life, which is why I want to fight back against those toxic thoughts and behaviours that tell me that I'm not good enough, not worthy enough, or that someone like me shouldn't do what I want to do.

"For maybe the first time in my life, I'm starting to think that I deserve happiness and fulfilment too - even if the way I can work towards it looks a bit different."

Credit: Media Drum
Credit: Media Drum

Molly uses Instagram to document her life and says it has 'helped her grow', but that she wasn't always the confident person she appears to be on social media these days.

"Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it and showcasing myself and my struggles is an important part of getting closer to the confidence I wish I had," she added.

"Thoughts of others' judgements held me in a grip of fear and shame that I couldn't get out from under. I just wanted to hide constantly, and more than anything I wanted to be anyone else that wasn't me.

"I was in a deep depression that I didn't and couldn't confront for the majority of my life. I was bullied, dreamt of suicide, and was really angry about the circumstances I was placed in. But I just got to the point where I was tired of hating myself. It's exhausting.

"I resolved that it was my life and I only have one, so why didn't I let go and ease up on myself a bit? That's what motivated me to start being more open about my own struggles and journey, because I felt so alone for so long and didn't want others to feel the hopelessness and isolation I felt."

Credit: Media Drum
Credit: Media Drum

She now speaks out to remind others that it's OK to be vulnerable and that sensitivity is not a sign of weakness.

Refusing to be held back, she adds: "Become your own best friend. You are stuck with you forever, so start to love yourself."

You can check out Molly's Instagram page here.

Featured Image Credit: Media Drum

Claire Reid

Claire Reid is a journalist at LADbible. Claire graduated from Liverpool John Moores University with a BA in journalism. She’s previously worked at Trinity Mirror. Since joining LADbible, Claire has worked on pieces for the UOKM8? mental health campaign, the Yemen crisis, life in the Calais Jungle as well as a profile of a man who is turning himself into a cyborg.

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