The burner phone, an absolute essential for drug dealers and now serial fans of adultery alike.
It's estimated that around one in 10 people in the UK have a 'Bat Phone' (what sort of title is this?) for booty calls or a second SIM that they slide into their phone to slide into other people's DMs.
While this all sounds very Hugh Grant circa late 90s Rom-Coms, it's actually the younger generation that are the worst for putting it about outside of their relationships.
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The study conducted by Music Magpie suggests that two out of five respondents aged between 16-24 admitted to having a secret second phone or SIM.
One in five of those 16-24-year-olds added that the main reason behind these phones was to keep an affair secret.
If you're 18 and trying to keep another person secret, just sack your obviously failing relationship off. You are young and you have so many other things to see and do, like spend months hitting the gym only to go to Ibiza and have a shameful threesome that makes you question if all those raw eggs and low-sided 'Amnesia' tank tops were worth the effort.
Or falling down a K-hole at a festival and maybe cementing yourself in music festival folklore by diving into a vat of human waste like the infamous poo girl of Leeds 2009.
I'd always associated secret lovers with 40-year-old miserable married men who spend the majority of their weeks working away from home and going at it in hotel rooms with posh escorts. Call me cynical, but I've worked in a hotel and accidentally heard it take place, then had to change the bed sheets.
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As for the distrust of people in relationships, when it comes
to checking their spouse's phone, 40 percent of the women surveyed have checked their
partner's phone more than once, in comparison to 26 percent of men. However, both sexes
cited that they would least like their other half to look through their phone.
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL SNAKES WITH SECRETS. Your relationship is probably based on convenience over anything that even constitutes anything close to genuine affection. You all deserve the distrust and anxiety you bring upon your own lives.
God I can't wait to be old, when the only problems I have is whether I shit my pants in the bedroom or the living room of the care home my family have chucked me in so they have an excuse not to visit me anymore.
Words by Matthew Cooper
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Lead Image Credit: PA
Featured Image Credit:Topics: Cheating