The Devil Throws The Best Christmas Parties, According To Satanists

Christmas is a joyful and triumphant time of year; a time for the whole family to gather around the Christmas tree and bask in its warming glow.

But what are you supposed to do during the holiday season if you've dedicated your life to the servitude of His Infernal Majesty, Satan?

Well, just in case you were curious, one Satanist has given his side of the Christmas story so we can all understand.

The Devil Simpsons

Credit: FOX / The Simpsons

Apparently - and, let me just sound the unpopular opinion alarm - it's not about the birth of Jesus at all.

John Wall, who is part of The Church of Rational Satanism, told The Daily Star: "In the Bible it specifically says you're not allowed to take trees into your house. The whole of Christmas is a pagan festival.

"Christmas was timed to coincide with the Saturnalia and the winter solstice. Christmas trees are pagan, cooking and carving the turkey comes from a sacrificial ritual."

This much is pretty well known, but there is still a strong and convincing argument that Christmas is about, well, Christ.

Satanists, to be fair, aren't exactly what you might think they are. The amount of ritual sacrifice and demon-summoning is a lot less than you'd guess. In fact, your average Norwegian metal band probably gets up to weirder stuff on their weekends.

Wall continued: "There are people who go in for more of the ritualistic side of things, wearing robes and chanting spells and drawing pentacles (five-pointed stars) to summon demons."

He says he mostly goes to the pub and visits historical and magical sites.

Satanism largely draws from the book The Satanic Bible, written by Anton Szandor LaVey, an American musician and occultist.

It focuses on the concept of individualism, and the idea that we should not deny ourselves the earthly pleasures we enjoy, a form of individualism.

John Wall says that he is an atheist, so in the end Satanism is not about mythical, evil creatures, but more about not telling yourself you can't have another glass of sherry, or a third helping of Christmas pudding.

Christmas is about indulgence - basically eating and drinking loads then munching your way through an entire selection box.

That's surely a tune we can all dance to. I'm pretty sure that not many people would have thought they would end this article agreeing with a Satanist.

Words: Tom Wood

Topics: Christmas, Interesting, Community

Stewart Perrie

Stewart Perrie is a Trending Journalist at LADbible. His first job was as a newsreader and journalist at the award winning Sydney radio station, Macquarie Radio. He was solely responsible for the content broadcast on multiple stations across Australia when the MH17, Germanwings and AirAsia disasters unfolded. Stewart has covered the conflict in Syria for LADbible, interviewing a doctor on the front line, and has contributed to the hugely successful UOKM8 campaign.

@stewartperrie