Forget The Rumble in the Jungle. Forget who'd win out of Tyson and Ali. Forget The Rock vs Stone Cold Steve Austin. Forget McGregor vs Mayweather.
The fight of the decade, no, the century, is gearing up right in front of eyes and we're all missing it. While Lidl and Aldi both look like perfectly innocent, cheap places to shop, they're just trying to outdo each other, which will eventually bring them together in a clash of the titans.
*Wrestling promo voice*: Two titans of the shopping world. Two Spartans of the bargains. Two colossuses of the cheap foreign lager game. Two competitors... Two rivals...
BOOM! Limp Bizkit or some other below-average, early-2000s American rock band plays, Lidl steams in with a frozen pizza, whacking Aldi over the head. It's all fucking great, and then everyone heads to the afterparty for ready meals and Galahad Export, which conveniently comes to a very tidy price, affordable for all.
One will bring out a one litre bottle of Prosecco, costing something ridiculous like £2, so the other will one-up them by bringing out a two litre bottle for £1.50. It'll basically go on like that until we just get absurd amounts of stuff for free.
Lidl may have just gained the upper hand though, as it's pushing 'hangover free Prosecco'.
This guy knows. Credit: PA
Now, being a pessimistic fucker, I assumed that this probably meant it was alcohol free fake bubbles, but no. It's actually an organic version of the popular drink, which boasts the ability to leave you feeling fresh in the morning.
To give it its real name, the Organic Prosecco Spumante landed on Lidl shelves on Thursday for £7.99 and there's presumably already none left.
Richard Bampfield, who's the supermarket's 'master of wine' (what a fucking title), according to the Mirror, says it doesn't taste 'rustic' but has 'bright aromas of pear and white peach'.
"We've all had that shocking wine hangover. This is sometimes attributed to the sulphite preservatives used in wine to keep them fresher for longer," Bampfield said.
"Generally, organic wine producers use a lower level of sulphites in the production process, which means they are less likely to contribute to hangovers.
"So if you don't react well to sulphites you could be saying good riddance to hangovers with Lidl's Organic Prosecco Spumante."
Since we're approaching Christmas there's absolutely no reason why you'd be judge buying bulk. And if you are given that look by someone that says 'it's 11am what are you doing buying eight litres of Prosecco,' you can just use the 'it's Christmas soon' excuse, which no one can argue against.
Featured Image Credit: PA