You're probably sat there thinking, 'What the fuck is a poop knife?'
We were all thinking the same thing when a person on Reddit made a post which was titled 'I was 22 years old when I learned that not every family has a poop knife'.
The thought of knives being anywhere near the delicate environment of a bathroom is hard to comprehend - and yet this young man grew up in a household that had a dedicated blade for a specific part of the shitting process.
According to Reddit user LearnedButt, he and everyone in his family 'poops big', and to explain it just a bit more, they birth 'giant logs of crap' which would always lay 'across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you'. Such a vivid image right there.
He added: "Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out, 'Hey, can you get me the poop knife?'
"I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife."
No poop knife in this photo. Credit: Pixabay
One of the big questions that springs to mind - what did he do when he had to use a public toilet, or one in a restaurant?
This bloke only found out the practice wasn't exactly standard when he was a young adult and married. He was at a mate's place and went to use the bathroom. Sure enough, when he was done he yelled out to his buddy to pass the shit cutter and, sure enough, said friend was positively confused.
LearnedButt explained his predicament further: "Maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A faecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it.
"He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked-up family with their fucked-up bowels."
Hilariously, when he told his wife this story she was similarly befuddled and explained how she had been using their poop knife for things other than slicing up crap.
"Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes," he said. "She will be getting her own utility knife now."
Look, every family is different and everyone has different bowel movements. At least they decided to get a knife rather than just pressing the flush button heaps and risking an overflow.
Featured Image Credit: Pixabay