Woman Plans to Marry Tetris After Failed Relationship With Calculator

A 20-year-old mathematics genius is planning to marry her new boyfriend, following the breakdown of her previous relationship.

That all sounds pretty reasonable until you learn that her last relationship was with a calculator named Pierre, whose buttons she delighted in licking, and she's currently planning to marry a copy of Tetris.

Credit: Mercury Press
Credit: Mercury Press

Noorul Mahjabeen Hassan identifies as an objectum sexual. For the uninitiated, that means she fancies objects and has previously had the hots for monorails, GPS systems and iPods.

The maths student from Orlando, Florida, prefers to go by the name of Fractal Tetris Huracan - because why not? - and started a relationship with the popular '80s puzzle game back in September.

She enjoys nothing more than surrounding herself with Tetris memorabilia at home and hopes to marry the game once she graduates from her course in two years' time. Priorities.

Fractal also claims to enjoy a physical relationship with Tetris, by using an assortment of Tetris-themed objects, including a hard-drive and a Tetris cushion.

Credit: Mercury Press
Credit: Mercury Press

"It started when I would play this game called Smash Run and I would hear the Tetris theme and I thought it was nice. Every time I heard it I would want to play Tetris," she said.

"All I did was play this game and kept thinking I want to play Tetris.

"I think Tetris is so beautiful, he is about perfection and he stimulates your mind. Physically I get that feeling that people in relationships get - that you know they are the right one.

Credit: Mercury Press
Credit: Mercury Press

It's probably worth mentioning at this point that fractal is only attracted to objects she perceives as male, and stresses that objectum sexual is a sexual preference as opposed to a fetish.

"I want to make clear there is a big difference," she explained.

"A fetish is sexual whereas objectum sexual is more romantic. You have actual feelings and feel like you emotionally connect with the objects, I've never been attracted to humans."

Credit: Mercury Press
Credit: Mercury Press

Before she became romantically involved with Tetris, Fractal was in a committed relationship with her calculator, Pierre, and says his buttons were one of his most attractive features.

"I loved touching his buttons - the feel of his buttons and track pad. I loved running my finger over that and I used my tongue to touch his buttons.

"I liked generating random numbers and multiplying them.

"It was very much an intellectual relationship as well. He's a calculator - how could it not be?"

But nowadays, Fractal only has eyes for Tetris and it's only a matter of time before the couple tie the knot.

Credit: Mercury Press
Credit: Mercury Press

"I want to say I'm married to Tetris and have a legitimate ceremony with friends. I want everybody to be there. I feel like that would be an official thing which would set it in stone and say 'I love you and want to prove it to you' by making it permanent and calling myself Mrs Tetris."

Fractal's relationships may be unconventional to say the least and her family struggle to understand, but she fails to see the problem, arguing that she is doing nobody any harm.

"I am not doing anyone or anything any harm. What is the issue? They think it's weird but I ask them to give me one good reason why I shouldn't date Tetris and they can't."

Well, can't really argue with that I suppose.

Featured Image Credit: Mercury Press

Paddy Maddison

Paddy Maddison is a freelance journalist and frequent contributor to LADbible. He specialises in men's lifestyle, music and news, which has seen him work with publications including ShortList, FashionBeans, Menswear Style and many industry-leading brands. Contact him on [email protected]

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