You've Been Wiping Your A**e Wrong This Whole Time, According To Doctors

Even if you have zero God-given talents and are hopeless at pretty much every single thing you decide to turn your hand to, at least you can always take a little bit of solace in the fact that you know how to wipe your own arse, right?

Hey, it might not be that difficult or glamorous, but it's yours, you're good at it and nobody can take that away from you. Or can they?

Well, sorry to break it to you, but according to doctors, you've been wiping your arse wrong your entire life.

Experts have warned that only using toilet paper can lead to excessive wiping, which in turn can cause anal fissures - for anyone wondering, that means little cuts. Not ideal.

via GIPHY

Rose George, author of The Big Necessity: The Unmentionable World of Human Waste and Why It Matters, told Tonic why using toilet paper doesn't remove faeces like it should.

"I find it rather baffling that millions of people are walking around with dirty anuses while thinking they are clean," George said.

"Toilet paper moves shit, but it doesn't remove it."

Experts have warned that simply using toilet paper does little to actually cleanse the shit from your crack and that we should all be using baby wipes instead.

In other countries, bidets and similar weird and wonderful anus cleansing tools (we're looking at you, Japan) have become commonplace, but in the UK and the US, we're still living very much in the dark ages.

A Japanese toilet, complete with water jet anus cleaner. Credit: BrainWashers/Creative Commons

The issue has even captivated several celebrities and now famous names including Will.I.Am, Will Smith and Terence Howard are all advocating a proper arsehole cleansing routine. In fact, Will Smith likes polishing his bum hole with a baby wipe so much that he hailed it as 'special and incredible'.

"I'm the type of person that it's important for me to share. When I experience something that's special and incredible, I like to share it with people. Anyone who's using dry toilet paper, you're really not doing yourself the true service," he told BBC's Radio 1.

Similarly, Black Eyed Peas star Will.I.Am echoed Smith's sentiments and left us all picturing him wiping his anus when he gave the following statement:

"Here's proof on why people should have baby wipes. Get some chocolate, wipe it on a wooden floor, and then try to get it up with some dry towels. You're going to get chocolate in the cracks," the vocalist said in an interview.

"That's why you gotta get them baby wipes."

"That's why you gotta get them baby wipes" - Will.I.Am. Credit: BBC

They're right to be concerned, because not only is walking around with particles of turd all over your backside really, really grim, it's also a health risk.

Featured Image Credit: Pixabay

Topics: UK, Will Smith, Japan, Health

Mark McGowan

Mark is a journalist at LADbible, who joined in 2015 after a year as a freelance writer. In the past he blogged for independent football fan channel Redmen TV, after graduating from Staffordshire University with degrees in journalism and English literature. He has worked on campaigns such as UOKM8? and IIOC.