I don't need dating advice because I'm really good and lie a lot like just now. However, if I did, I might turn to renowned love guru Matthew Hussey.
People are absolutely Hussey-mad - and with good reason, for the 30-year-old, who is already a New York Times-bestselling author, knows a thing or two about love.
On Good Morning Britain, however, viewers took exception at his £8,000 ($10,450) an hour rates for what was referred to as 'stating the obvious'.
Credit: ITV / Good Morning Britain
With 1.5 million followers online, Hussey was quick to stress that he doesn't actually like doing one-to-one sessions and prefers people to check out his free videos 'as a starting point'.
As he said this, his face was about as convincing as Leonardo di Caprio's Irish accent in Gangs of New York. But fuck it - who can blame him for being a bit smug for being able to charge £8,000 per hour?
Endorsed by a number of highly talented, successful celebrities, and Ryan Seacrest, the Essex boy had a few wise words to impart to viewers.
"No one comes to me saying 'I want to attract the average guy', everyone wants to attract extraordinary and to do that you have to be extraordinary," he said.
"I believe it's a thing called unique pairings. If a woman meets a guy who's just a gentleman, he becomes really boring. If a guy is just fun, he is hard to pin down and unreliable.
"If a guy is charming and a gentleman but has got a bit of edge, that's the guy who people get addicted to. It's two unique qualities you don't usually find in the same person - in the same person."
When host Ben Shephard fielded questions from viewers including whether 'playing hard to get' ever works, Hussey said no, claiming that he'd been advised in earlier years to always be like a Rubik's cube.
That doesn't mean act frustrating and end up in the bottom drawer for several months on end; rather that you should always retain an air of mystery and seem 'unfinished'.
When asked how one might go about being unforgettable, Hussey said: "You have to connect on emotion not logic. A lot of people go on a date where it becomes a CV exercise, asking a lot of questions.
"Everyone has to go for emotion. Not what do you do for a living, [but] why do you do that for a living. It actually allows you to connect with someone."
I agree, but I think if you really want to be unforgettable, you should learn all the lyrics to 'Karma Chameleon' and sing them aloud in a karaoke setting on your first date. That's what I'd do.
Twitter reacted the way you'd expect, of course:
"Sounds very much like £8,000 an hour for stating the obvious," commented one viewer, adding "unbelievable" for good measure.
Meanwhile another added: "'International love guru' who charges £8k an hour... I smell BS!!!"
Words: Ronan O'Shea