It's always the way in superhero films; a lad builds a million pound supersuit or gets a bite from a radioactive spider, and suddenly he can kick ass. I've always wanted to be a superhero (who hasn't?) but unfortunately I'm not a billionaire playboy and none of the spiders in my flat are glowing green. So would it be possible for me to join The Avengers? I went to LA to find out if superhero stardom awaits.
I arrived at 87Eleven Studios, which is home to the crazy stuntmen from films including The Matrix, Jurassic World and, of course, the newly-released Captain America: Civil War. These stuntmen were incredibly impressive. They all had backgrounds of gymnastics or martial arts and were capable of everything from massive coordinated fights to jumping off skyscrapers.
In short, all of these guys were far more qualified for a superhero gig than myself. But while they may be used to back flipping at the drop of a hat or jumping out of a moving car, they don't all have the dry wit and wise-cracking capabilities of Tony Stark et al - and that's half the battle, right? Thankfully, I'm English and have grown up on a diet of sarcasm and pithy put-downs.
Chris Evans plays Captain America; Image Credit: PA Images
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To realise my dream, however, I still needed to learn how to fight. And, upon seeing Captain America's shield, which is held by Chris Evans in the movies, seemingly discarded on the floor inside the giant stunt room, immediately my thoughts turned to the damage I could do with this weapon in my armoury. Maybe I could become the hero that Los Angeles needs?
On hand to help propel me from my regular life into a lycra-clad higher-being were all the stuntmen from Captain America: Civil War, including those who step in for Iron Man, Captain America and Black Widow when the actors would rather go for a fag break. After watching some of their fight footage, I was 99 percent sure that they were actually real superheroes. These were definitely the right people to learn from.
I got chatting to Gui DaSilva-Greene, who was previously a dancer for Chris Brown and is now a stunt double for the Black Panther. He maintained that, in this world of CGI, stuntmen still play an important role.
"What we do is real. We still break bones. We're the ones running around in 35 degree heat in leather suits jumping off buildings," he said.
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Hoping and praying that this wasn't on the agenda for my day, I asked him if he could show me any tricks. He proceeded to launch into a whirlwind of kicks and twirls. I've seen lads fighting outside Oceana but this was a whole different level.
I was beginning to doubt I had the ability to become Iron Man's sidekick, so I thought a bit of training couldn't hurt. I was partnered up with Hawkeye's stunt double, and he proceeded to teach me how to punch. "I'm a man, I know how to punch," I thought. I was wrong, apparently, and seemingly my weak flailing arms wouldn't hurt Captain America in a scrap. Undeterred, I learned all the moves and proceeded to have a fight in front of a green screen. "How Hollywood," I muttered to myself, as the most overtly American director in the world screamed at me to stop smiling and look serious.
This was as much as I was able to taste of superhero life for now and next I think perhaps I should take my new skills to the streets and protect the liberties of London's hard-working citizens. Either that or I'll just go to the pub and tell my mates how cool the experience was.
Whilst the jury is still out on whether I'd cut it on Iron Man's team, I'm taking this as my first step on the long road to Avengers HQ. Now just to think of a name. I wonder if Iron Lad is taken?
CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR is out now on 3D Blu-ray, Blu-ray and DVD
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Words by Kim Holman; Featured Image Credit: PA Images
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