As you will have seen (unless you've had your eyes on backwards), the Kingsman franchise is set to return to our screens this September. Second installment, The Golden Circle, will see Taron Egerton and company joined by none other than Hollywood hero Channing Tatum.
So why is the man with the most American sounding name since Freedom Spanglehawk joining Kingsman, an agency so English it's a surprise it doesn't need more dental work?
The new film starts as the Kingsman agency is destroyed and the world is held hostage once again, leading Eggsy and his crew to discover an American spy organisation called Statesman. Pitting the agents' alongside one another and testing their strength (Tatum once wrestled an alligator in real life, so he probably has the edge here) and wits to their limits. Uniting forces (kind of like the US and UK in general), the duo combine forces to save the world from a common enemy. And no, it's not carbs. It's villains. But you'll just have to watch to find out who they are.
Adding Channing to the roster feels like a no-brainer; the athletic American is just the kind of person you'd expect to fit seamlessly into the role of international super spy.
However... contrary to what you might think, it's not just well-toned, suave men with odd names that can make it as a secret agent. Nope, LADs like me and you can, too. Get in!
But how? Well, to get ready for this proper spy movie (the new trailer for which you can watch in full below), I did some investigating (like a spy, if you will) to find out how you can replicate the up-and-coming cinematic feats of Egerton and Channing yourself. Here's what I discovered...
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Credit: Giles Keyte/Fox
First and foremost, MI5 is committed to diversity, and not because it's a requirement of every UK employer. No, no, no. Here's what Director General Andrew Parker has to say about it:
"Keeping the country safe is a challenge that requires the best efforts of the richest mix of the most talented people in our society, working together in high performing teams. So, it is essential to our success that ours is an inclusive workplace."
Bonzer. So, Average Joe, you may well just get that job after all. Or at least an interview.
Secondly, if you want to be a super-spy, you need to keep schtum. A lot.
"Discretion is vital. You should not discuss your application, other than with your partner or a close family member, providing they are British... You should not mention your application on social media or discuss it with anyone else at this stage."
So, basically, you can tell your wife, but only if she has a British bulldog tattooed across her lower-back. I couldn't even tell my mam, because she's Irish. That said, I'm no good at keeping secrets anyway.
Credit: Giles Keyte/Fox
Moving swiftly on, you don't actually need to be born in the UK to work for Miffers, which means Tatum could apply. He'd have to live here for nine out of the next ten years, though, making it hard for him to find time to film Magic Mike XXX: The Blue Years.
What about qualifications? Do you need a degree? GCSEs? A certification from the London School of Coffee? Nope, you don't need credentials to work for the secret service (although it will go down well if you can make a decent latte).
Director General Parker added: "Agents are people who work as 'Covert Human Intelligence Sources' to supply us with secret intelligence. There is no formal application process - in fact it tends to be us that makes the initial approach."
So, basically, if there's something strange in your neighbourhood, you don't need to call the Ghostbusters. You don't need to call anyone. If shit gets real and you're the man for the job, hang tight, brother, they'll come to you. A bit like Tinder.
In essence, MI5 carries out all kinds of work, ranging from a much watered-down version of what Bond, Eggsy et all get up to, to day-to-day surveillance carried out by any man who knows how to listen well. Which isn't many, AM I RIGHT, LADIES?!?
Ahem.
Yup, Johnny Normals like you and me can get into MI5, but they need have DV, which is not an STI. It's the government's highest form of security. According to an MI5 employee "You may be required to discuss participation in university clubs and societies in your vetting interview," but essentially as long as you didn't join the Socialist Worker's Party or a cricket team, you'll be fine. The cricket team won't actually be held against you. It's just a bit rubbish.
Finally, if you're looking to join the secret service, having foreign language tekkers is a big bonus.
"There are a number of language skills we are looking for... We do recruit for specific language skills," says Director General Parker. "The languages we are particularly interested in are Somali, Kurdish Sorani, Pashto, Mandarin Chinese and Russian."
So actually, diversity is a pretty important part of MI5's recruitment process. They're not trying to become the Colours of Benneton of spy agencies, but the operations they carry out often require people with specific languages, meaning you might be of far greater use to them if you're a second generation immigrant rather than an Eton graduate. Boomting.
So, still want to join? Well, go right ahead. But, if not, perhaps it's best to simply admire the Kingsman boys do their thing instead in the trailer for Kingsman: The Golden Circle!
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