As someone who is interested in the theory of degeneration, particularly its prevalence in the Victorian fin de siècle period, the Jeremy Kyle Show does affirm to me, that one day, we will all return to our most primitive form.

This time, however, there is some happy news. On the first family appearance, a woman was called a "fatherless pig" by her mother-in-law, as well as being branded a smack head by what materialised to be her brother-in-law.

While Cilla, the daughter-in-law was talking, on stormed mother-in-law Jackie (as seems compulsory on this show), shouting obscenities I couldn't understand, before flinging her walking stick around, almost as if she only has it for the benefits you and me contribute to. She then tried to attack her. Charming.

Cilla believed she was disowned because she is gay.

Among other ridiculous claims, step-mum Jackie said that her husband couldn't possibly be the father because he wouldn't have "fathered a lesbian." Wow.

Take a look at the escapades here...

Credit: The Jeremy Kyle Show/ITV

After it transpired that Kevin was indeed the daddy, Jackie would not let him hug Cilla, and it was all very awkward.

This is scarier than any end of the world theory. This is actual proof we are degenerating back to the times of the cavemen.

However, this isn't the end of it, as it appears Jackie had some sort of epiphany, as well as Kevin.

After the show, apparently they all reconciled. Kevin explained: "When I got home from the show I was really depressed. Then I told her I was really proud of her and how she'd gone after the case and proved me wrong and everybody wrong," adding that Jackie helped bring them all together.

Cilla, as is customary for JK guests, decided to get a tattoo to mark the happy occasion, getting 99.99% percent inked on her neck, the probability of Kevin being the father.

Looks lovely. Credit: ITV

Here's what Twitter had to say on it.

In the meantime we need a lie detector in this office. Some cretin has nicked my charger and I've got my money on who it is.

And the lie detector results say... well well well!

Main image credit: ITV/The Jeremy Kyle Show

Patrick Hulbert

Tottenham Hotspur will win the league.

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