Monopoly Attempts To Save Your Shitty Christmas By Opening A Game Helpline
Ah, Christmas. A time where everyone pretends that spending extended periods of time with your mum, dad, nan, granddad and extended family is anything other than excruciating. I would much rather sit on Facebook all day than have to listen to what my extremely successful cousin is up to these days. Auntie Sue, I couldn't give less of a fuck. Please pass the pigs in blankets before I die of boredom.
This is probably why we all put on so much weight over the Christmas period. It's much easier to sit through your mum's sex stories from her youth (after she's four Bailey's down) when your mouth is stuffed full of Roses chocolates.
Inevitably, someone will suggest Monopoly and you sit and think that yes, this is how you're going to finally be rid of your shitty family. The argument that comes from this game will cause a rift so large that you'll never have to sit through another stinking Christmas ever again.
Unfortunately, Monopoly has decided to cockblock your plan. It has set up a Christmas hotline to settle any game-related disputes over the festive period.
Apparently 51 percent of Monopoly games start an argument. Jesus Christ, why does anyone play it anymore?!
Craig Wilkins, Marketing Director of Hasbro UK & Ireland, told Metro: "We'll have experts on hand with the official rule books to instantly settle any disputes, and advice on how to resolve common complaints, with each person also having the opportunity to make a donation to Childline when they call."
The hotline will be available from December 24 to 26 and will also help you out with advice if you're in the middle of a blazing row.
The number is: 0800 689 4903
Featured image credit: PA Images