We're in absolute awe at This Morning presenters Holly Willoughby and Philip Schofield after they managed to get through an entire conversation with a woman who has sex with ghosts without saying four small words: 'what the actual fuck'. Watch the chat here:
They spoke to guest Amethyst Realm - what a name, right? - who says that she's given up men to have sex with ghosts.
"When did you first encounter a spirit?" Philip asked, his incredulity clearly visible.
"I was living with my fiancé and he was working away a lot," she replied. "We'd just moved into a new house in Hereford, and after a while he was going away maybe one week, two weeks at a time. I started to feel a presence."
She continued: "It never felt scary. It felt comforting, if anything."
Philip then explained how she 'took it to the next level', dressing up in a sexy négligée, going into the spare room and turning the lights off, before waiting.
Credit: This Morning / ITV
"I waited and waited for a while, and then I got a little bit worried. I thought maybe I'd scared it off by being too keen.
"Just as I'd given up hope and was starting to fall asleep it came to me," she said, before admitting that she then had sex with the ghost.
Holly then asked how exactly that worked, because, of course, 'you can't put your arms around a ghost'.
"It's difficult to explain," Amethyst said. "Kind of a weight but at the same time weightless."
She also said that she could feel a physical breath on her, as well as stroking and an overall 'energy'. And for the extra-curious, she also explained that her ghostly sexual encounters do lead to her orgasming.
Credit: This Morning / ITV
"And for the ghost?" Philip asked.
"I'd hope so," Amethyst replied, coyly.
She then told Phil and Holly that that particular relationship eventually fizzled out, and has since had 14 other ghost lovers.
"So once you go ghost you never go back?" Schofe said, half-joking - to which Amethyst explained she had 'no interest' in men now.
And believe it or not, that's not even the half of it yet - as Amethyst also believes that you can get pregnant by having sex with a ghost.
"I've done a bit of research into phantom pregnancies recently," she said.
"There's a possibility that it is a ghost in you but people don't know how to carry it to full term."
Holly tried to play devil's advocate, suggesting a possible role of sleep paralysis, but Amethyst explained that she felt it was unlikely, given that the first ghost used to follow her round the house to 'lure her in'.
Sometimes your mate tells you something a bit far-fetched, and you just have to nod along - either to spare their feelings, or because you simply can't be arsed to get pulled into a debate. But there's only one phrase that sums this up.
What. The. Actual. Fuck.