Nobody likes a noisy neighbour. And nobody likes being close to, next to, around, in the vicinity of or generally in the presence of, someone who farts.
Even then, calling the cops because your neighbour is farting too much is probably a bit much, for many reasons.
Well, one Hertfordshire man was left stunned after the police were called to his house - to investigate a claim of excessive farting.
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Colin Mitchell, a 75-year-old pensioner from St Albans, was visited by police at around 3pm on Sunday afternoon after a neighbour had summoned officers with reports of 'offensive human noises'.
When the police arrived, they were shocked to discover that the promised farting was in fact a child's toy that simulated fart noises, which was being played with by Colin's great-grandson.
"What an absolute waste of police time," said the great-grandfather of four.
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"They could be doing something better because there's so many problems with the shortage of money in policing.
"They had been told that there was an insulting noise every time this woman walked past.
"I could understand if it came from real flatulence but it's my little great-grandson, it's highly amusing to young children.
"If I had rung the police up on Sunday they would have told me where to go for wasting their time. But they came to my door because Charlie was playing with a fart toy."
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Colin added: "The police do an amazing job but it is ridiculous when they don't have the manpower or money that someone can call them out for such a stupid job."
Hertfordshire Police released a simple statement that read: "Words of advice have been given to both parties."
Words presumably being the likes of "stop wasting our time", "wind your necks in", "grow up" and "give over".
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