A thorough investigation has been carried out into the variables
that effect the results of football matches.
The study was carried out by Professor Thomas Farr at the University of Nantwich.
"Our extensive research has given us great insight into what impacts football results."
Farr went on to reveal that the most common themes in victorious teams were better tactics, superior players, and, in some cases, in parts of Staffordshire, weather.
"A lot of men believe that bellowing 'COME ON LADS' while nursing a flat pint of Foster's in their local pub helps their club. On the contrary, impotent bleating about getting stuck in, using the overlap and calling the referee a nonce actually offers nothing to the team."
Farr advises men who are passionate about their team to buy tickets to the game and to respect their surroundings as opposed to screaming inanely at TV screens across the country.
Annabel Hinckley, the long suffering girlfriend of one of these men who Farr describes in his report as 'proper bellends', spoke about her struggle.
"Everyone looks over when he starts yelling. It's very difficult to shut him up after his third pint. I'm mortified week in, week out. Sometimes we aren't even watching the team he supports. He's just gloating about his fantasy football captain."