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Just when you thought craft ale snobs weren't unbearable enough, news comes that they are officially brainier than their lager/bitter-drinking counterparts.

While the holier-than-thou boasting of Hoptimum Gold Goblin Yeti-suppers was annoying, at least it was without foundation.

Now, they have somewhat of a confirmation that they're better than everyone.

Image: PA

Scientists have found that craft ales necessitate "cognitive thought."

A study discovered that micro-brewed beers encourage punters to use longer words and more-detailed phrasing, AKA chatting shite and not drinking.

While the lager and bitter customers mostly described what they thought of the taste and how it made them feel, the craft ale customers presumably talked at length to the scientists about the numerous benefits of choosing Brewdog over Budweiser until they (probably) spontaneously combust.

Writer Brenden O'Neill has been a critic of the culture of micro-brewery bros.

via GIPHY

In an article for the Spectator he wrote: "I hate this snootiness because beer is the everyman drink; after water and tea the most popular drink on earth. Prince and pauper alike neck it. In the Middle Ages, when water wasn't always safe, peasants turned to cheap, trusty beer for hydration. Now there's a beer called The End of History costing £500 a bottle. Probably because the bottle is inside a dead weasel. Really. These people.

"Microbreweries, micro-restaurants (a restaurant with one table): why the obsession with smallness? Big is more beautiful. Here are three mass-produced beers far better than any craft beer I've tried: 'Wife beater' itself; it may have a fast-disappearing head and look like urine but it delivers a beautiful kick of malt. Samuel Adams, a malty and sweet vision in amber.

via GIPHY

"And finally Brooklyn Lager. This fancies itself as a hip beer, and is drunk by people who love hip beer. But, considering it now produces 250,000 barrels a year and is available in more than 20 countries, it's well and truly one of the big boys."

He adds that's not "authenticity these weirdly consumerist critics of consumer society seek - it's exclusivity, the feeling of belonging to a switched-on gang who, unlike the rest of us, can resist the lure of the chain pub and its cheap pish. To drink Maple Bacon Coffee Porter (seriously) is to say: 'I'm better than you.'"

Still, I suppose it's better than drinking San Pellegrino on a night out.

Featured Image Credit: PA

Josh Teal

Josh Teal is a journalist at LADbible. He has contributed to the 'Knowing Me, Knowing EU' and 'UOKM8?' campaigns interviewing everyone from student drug dealers to climate change activists.

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