In 2010, my 13-year-old son Ben became the victim of sexual abuse online; this abuse was carried out by men aged from their 20s to 50s.
My wife and I were first alerted to the fact something was wrong by a dramatic, negative change in Ben's behaviour - he began having panic attacks and his school work began to suffer although previously he had always performed well at in his studies.
But there was nothing to suggest Ben's behaviour change was due to online sexual abuse. We now realise the signs were there but our awareness of the issue was so far removed we didn't even consider it as a possible cause. It wasn't until 2011, when my wife overheard a phone conversation between Ben and a man who was encouraging him to go and visit him 200 miles away, that we found out what was happening.
We thought the damage had been confined to online grooming, which was bad enough, but we were wrong.
We didn't know it at the time but, after coming out at the age of 13, several of Ben's male friends stopped speaking to him. Ben found other friends online and, after chatting to a 16-year-old who lived in the next town, he began looking for online sites where he could speak to other gay men. It was here he met the older men, and the online grooming began.
The men he met online built Ben's trust over a period of time and pretended they were his friends. They made it seem that sharing sexual images and videos, or taking pictures while having sex, were normal parts of being gay. Ben was vulnerable and believed their expressions of love were genuine. But my son was just a child and was exploited by adults who knew that what they were doing was wrong.
When we found all this out and tried to intervene, Ben couldn't see that we were trying to help him and began to resent us. He went from being a close and loving son to one who saw us and others who were trying to help him as the enemy. The abusers had made him feel as though he was an adult choosing to make these decisions so he fought against us. The psychological harm is very hard to counter. We didn't know how long recovery would take and even, in the darkest days, if recovery was even possible.
My parents warned me 'don't speak to strangers'; it was simple, they were there at the school gate or in the park and it was easy to avoid them. Access to the internet has changed everything. It's so easy for offenders to hide behind an identity, a text or a website to find their young victim. Parents can think it would never to happen to their child, but it can.
We constantly look back and think what we might have done differently and ask ourselves if we could we have prevented it. But, when we examine how our lives were at that time, it's really difficult to think what might have been a safer option. We gave him the warnings about online safety and protected him as much as possible but, in our case, it didn't work and we're not sure why, even now.
Sexual content of my son as a child could still be online and out there forever; we have no way of knowing. To anyone who may stumble across these online and think there's no harm in looking, I'd like them to imagine it was their picture or video and think how they would feel.
If that isn't enough to make anyone think twice, then maybe the thought of being placed on the Sex Offenders Register will. It doesn't matter if you see these images on a site for over 18s, the law is clear for sexual images of under-18s. It is not just about those who make and upload images or videos of children, but also anyone who knowingly views them.
The effects on my son and our family will not end. Our son lost a chunk of his childhood and he won't get that back. Things improve but the damage goes deep and it's truly life-changing.
If you have been affected by any of these issues, more information and support can be found here.
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