Today is National Fetish Day and I'm here to tell you that any kink you have is completely fine (so long as it is legal). Even if it's very unusual (and maybe even impossible) there's probably a porn catered to you.
For example, there's a whole genre of porn about 'giant women' - in these videos, special effects are added to make the women look 50/60/even 100ft tall while the men are tiny - it's called Macrophilia.
You may have heard of The Digital Economy Bill. It was very controversial, as it looked like the government was going to ban female ejaculation, face sitting, the sight of menstrual blood and loads of other stuff from featuring in all pornographic videos.
This (understandably) sparked outrage.
In fact, protesters took to the outside the Houses of Parliament and simulated sex acts. That's one way to make a point.
Credit: PA Images
Since then, the bill was scrapped and a new one took its place - the Digital Economy Bill 2016-17. It was debated in parliament late last year and will now progress to the House of Lords for consideration.
This bill is a lot shorter. Instead, there is a list of guidelines which porn will have to abide by.
For example, there won't be any porn which shows:
- infliction of pain or acts which may cause lasting physical harm
- sexual activity which involves real or apparent lack of consent
- penetration by any object associated with violence
- sexual threats, humiliation or abuse which do not form part of a clearly consenting role-playing game
- any form of physical restraint which prevents participants from indicating a withdrawal of consent
- material (including dialogue) likely to encourage an interest in sexually abusive activity which may include adults role-playing as non-adults
Sadly, many people believe that the following sex acts will come under the guidelines and therefore be banned:
- female ejaculation
- sexual acts involving menstruation
- sexual acts involving urination
- sexual acts in public
- spanking, whipping or caning which leaves marks
- inserting more than four fingers into an orifice
The thing is, sexual fetishes aren't unusual. I don't understand why the government are that arsed about what gets everyone off to. Also, what's wrong with female ejaculation? I'm confused.
One positive that people are taking away from it is that porn websites will be required to implement much more stringent age restrictions on their websites so that underage kids can't access them. Hmm. Do people really wait until they're 18 to watch porn? Especially as the age of consent in the UK is 16. So people can have sex but they can't watch it? Weird.
According to The Great British Sex Survey, the top fetishes in the UK are:
1 Sex toys
3 Sexy Selfies
5 Material Fetishism
8 Body fetishes
10 Cross Dressing for Sex
A few months back, I decided to do a call out to identify 'unusual sexual fetishes' and boy, did I get a great response.
The first message I received was from a girl named Olivia*. She said: "I dated a guy when I was a teenager who asked me to dress up in my old Subway uniform. Safe to say it didn't work out."
The next message was from Emily* - this one was... slightly unusual. "He used to get me to stick biro pens down the eye of his penis."
She continued: "I was so young and I kind of assumed it was maybe normal - I don't know.
"That was until we broke up and I became more sexually active with other people and I'd tell them and everyone was mortified."
I had more questions... like... was it nib first? Apparently it wasn't. Hey, it takes all sorts to make a world.
Harry* described himself as 'a bit bi' and said: "I like to be called Spencer in bed (after a certain person off reality TV) and be choked. I also like to be teased with a women's sex toy."
Thomas* explained his preference: "I have a thing for people from lower class backgrounds who behave in slutty fashion. Wearing too much makeup, short clothes, particularly black hair, young mums, trainers, that sort of thing.
"That's one of many and it's not meant to be an elitist thing.
Me: "Nah I get it, I think we did an article on it a while back - is it like 'chav porn'." [I hate that term but for the sake of clarity].
Thomas: "Yes, I also really do enjoy the idea of prostitution (within boundaries of course), as the idea of someone doing it for a job makes it hotter for me."
"So you say you enjoy the idea of prostitution; would you ever cross the line of liking it as a concept to actually paying for sex in real life? Do you enjoy the idea of it more?"
Thomas: "Former, have done."
"Did it live up to your expectations?"
Thomas: "Nearly always, yes it has!"
Thomas had bridged the gap between his fantasy and real life. It was fascinating to find out that he'd spent time with prostitutes and some had fulfilled his fantasies, others had not. I found myself wondering what had happened during the sessions that his fantasies hadn't been answered, but I decided against asking. Some things are better left unsaid.
I then spoke to a girl, Brooke*, who explained that she and her boyfriend, Liam*, had been experimenting with fetishes for a while. They're now engaged. She explained: "Liam and I first got into domination play about three months after getting together. I had a friend who had started to try it full-time with her partner and I wanted to try it. Liam came up with some rules and I loved it.
"As we were long distance at that time, it was super exciting as he would often give me orders by text when I wasn't expecting them. It developed into a full-time thing and I started to explore a 'brat' persona and started to call him Daddy - which we both loved.
"As I have a major Disney obsession and love teddies, it fitted my personality really well and Liam enjoyed me dressing up in 'childish' pyjamas and playing young. We are also involved with our local kinky scene and have attended a few 'munches' - basically, meet ups with other kinky people.
"The extra girl in the bedroom was my idea. I'm bisexual and, although I hate the stereotype of being 'greedy', I do appreciate women. I wanted to try a threesome for the shits and giggles. I met a girl on Fetlife and we became friends.
"We had a threesome and I loved every second of it! And now we're still friends. We would definitely do it again."
Alexander* had quite the tale... "I had an ex at uni who had always been adventurous, wearing outfits, role-playing, into anal sex etc etc. However she had this fetish of pretending to be a prostitute. It all started when I asked her to wear some lingerie with suspenders, fishnets and heels. At the time she commented on how she felt like a hooker wearing it, which I took as a negative comment.
"Turns out she really got into it and it became her favourite 'look' to make herself seem as hooker-like as possible and proceeded to convince me (I use the term 'convince' loosely) to role play the whole prostitute and client act.
"It went so far in the end that she'd get me to drive around in her car, while she'd be dressed up with her outfit underneath her coat and I'd pick her up streetwalker style, or ring her up before going around to her house to arrange a 'booking'. Eventually we'd even pretend to exchange money. It did eventually get too risky with the street-walking side of things seeing she actually got approached a few times and I was terrified of getting pulled over. The girl was very different... great shag though."
Ethan* messaged me his fantasy: "Fuck it, why not? My biggest fetish is getting a girl to squirt. It's a huge turn on knowing you made that happen and gave your partner that much pleasure."
I then spoke to Toby* - he explained that his ex-housemate at university had been in quite a lot of trouble with girls after pissing on them without their consent. Wait, what?!
He explained one particular incident that will scar me forever: "There was one case of pissing on a girl's face while having a blow job. That's probably the worst.
Duuuuuude. If you have a kink, yeah. Enjoy it. Whatever. Just make sure it's between consenting adults, okay?!
Happy National Fetish Day.
*All names have been changed to protect identities
Featured Image Credit: PA Images