Three little words no man wants to hear in the bedroom: "is it in?"
For this guy, known only as 'Jf', an incident 12 years ago with a student left him so humiliated that he never attempted to have sex again.
The 35-year-old has a one-inch-long 'micropenis' and says he is 'deeply ashamed' of his genitals.
He has opened up in a column for Cosmopolitan in which he is calling for people to be more sensitive about 'body-shaming' men.
He explained his penis is 2.7 inches-long when erect and said 'it resembles two raisins flat on top of each other'.
He added: "As it extends erect, I would guess that in length and girth, it would be the equivalent in volume of two cocktail sausages." Blimey.
Recalling his only sexual experience, he said: "When I stripped, she stared at my micropenis, giggled, and put her hand to her mouth, muttering simply 'OK' in a tone that suggested she was taken aback.
"When it came to actually performing, first I found that the condom wouldn't stay on, but more frustratingly, my micropenis kept falling out every time I tried to penetrate her.
"Even when I was inside her, she kept asking me, 'Is it in?' Every time she asked me that, I wanted to die. It was clear that she was getting nothing out of the experience."