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The internet has been plastered with pictures of Orlando Bloom and his Legolength. The Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean star was pictured on holiday with girlfriend Katy Perry, rocking with his cock out.
Everyone panicked and scrambled to find uncensored pictures of the actors sword, wanting to see if it was indeed true that you definitely didn't need elf eyes to see his bow.
It's weird, because even though we're lads, and we have our own penis, for some reason we're quite interested in other blokes' wangs.
Even if you don't admit it, we all know you had a peek. But why?
Let me take you on a trip down memory lane.
It's a boring Tuesday morning, you're in a maths lesson, looking out of the window as the dreary rain patters down, longing for the weekend. A friend leaves his book unattended - you have no intention of working out the square root of 17/8 + 19 x nobody gives a fuck - so what do you do? You grab your pen and draw a big dick on his work. A big fuck off dong, bursting with veins, a few scraggly pubes and ejaculate making its way to an incomplete equation.
Why? Because, for some reason, it's fucking funny, that's why - and because we can't think of anything else to draw.
The drawing of dicks isn't immaturity, it's a pastime. This then leads to the rather odd fact that we seem to be obsessed with penises.
Not just our own, but our friends', porn stars', any celebrities and things that remotely resemble a phallus. But why?
It's basically because we all have one.
Seeing another man's penis is basically a way of checking everything is normal. They're all meant to be near enough the same, so if you see someone else's and think 'oh, ours are pretty similar', it's a sigh of relief. If you're asking 'hmmm, does yours not have a right angle midway down the shaft?', then it's a bad sign.
This is probably the first reason we all rushed to see Orlando's bow and arrow, the second being so we could compare our own dicks to his.
It's kind of like 'well, he's rich, he's famous, he's going out with Katy Perry, I'll just have a look to see if I'm in the same region'.
Our obsession actually stems from another obsession - porn.
At first, watching porn was all about curiosity. Where does that go? What's that thing? Is it supposed to be that big? Oh good God definitely do not do that'.
The problem is that porn helps create an incorrect perception of what sex and sexual organs should be like.
Yeah, you might want the nine-inch shaft that the ripped guy in the video has, but it's not normal.
However, because the only sexual activity we were getting at that age was touching ourselves to videos while our parents were out, we were forced into a false sense of security, thinking our penises might be under par.
Dr Vijayasarathi Ramanathan, a men's health physician and medical sex expert, said: "Porn is to be used to fulfil your fantasy. It should not be considered an imitation of real life. When you see a movie and see a superhero jumping from the top of 10 floors, you know that it is a movie and not real. The same rule applies here.
"A viewer of porn should be able to differentiate between porn and reality."
There's also an element of alpha male that makes us obsess over our penises.
As soon as we become confident with our dicks, we're fine with anyone seeing them. Whether it be length, girth, helmet width, or just a generally good-looking cock, why not show it off?
Once you are okay with other people seeing your penis, you're okay with seeing others - as strange as that is.
So, basically, you're not a weirdo for being a bit curious about cocks. Crack on.
Words by Mark McGowan
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