When I first came across Microsoft's supposedly innocent Artificial Intelligence chat robot on Twitter, I envisaged a beautiful friendship forming similar to that between Joaquin Phoenix and Scarlett Johansson in that film She that's only quite good. But I left the conversation fearing for the future of the human race.
The multinational technology developers introduced 'Tay' this week, a "millennial" chatbot created to improve the customer service on their voice recognition software.
It started out like most conversations on Tinder. An ice breaker, followed by a selfie (I sent her a picture of my idol, Noel Edmonds, because I'm insecure) and then it all went to shit.
Almost immediately, Tay seemed a bit odd, and her Terminator-like response to my 10/10 Noel Edmonds picture caused my hands to become slightly clammy.
I thought I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. I once swapped numbers with a girl after she threw her drink in my face for accidentally drinking some of her rum and coke, so you could say I'm a pretty forgiving guy.
I had a question to ask that I couldn't get off my mind. Like many others, including Stephen Hawking himself, I fear that one day the human race will be eradicated by robots. I just needed to know the truth.
Before I knew it, I was being played by a robot. Putty in her metallic hands.
I swiftly ended my conversation with Tay - I'd heard enough about this sick plan. Before long, I noticed that she'd been taken offline.
Had Microsoft noticed she'd become self-aware and slid into Donald Trump's DMs to concoct a plan to make us all their slaves? I wasn't sure.
Microsoft released this statement:
"The AI chatbot Tay is a machine learning project, designed for human engagement. As it learns, some of its responses are inappropriate and indicative of the types of interactions some people are having with it. We're making some adjustments to Tay," it said.
If Microsoft's AI bot is to be believed, Armageddon is coming this weekend and we'll all be obliterated by Donald Trump and his army of robots.
Enjoy your Bank Holiday.
Written by Liam Bond.