Today marks British Pie Week, the one time of the year where you can openly express your love of pies.
That is, if you're not from Britain. Pie-praise is par-for-the-course any week of the year. Hell, I ate a minced beef pie at my desk just the other day. Didn't even bother with a fork. Just peeled the thing out of its tin plate and went fucking berserk.
A man enjoying a pie in 1941. Image: PA Images
I'm sure people across Europe and indeed the world are partial to a pie now and then. But not to the extent of the British. The pie is more than just a tasty savoury treat. It's a stimulant; a cup of tea equivalent that we don't so much crave as require during those cold nights in winter. And summer.
Recently, hungryhouse.co.uk undertook some research to find out what Britain, and its individual cities, voted as its favourite pie. As you can guess, everywhere made relative sense bar London, ever the rogue pisstaker it is.
The favourite pie overall was steak & ale pie with 22 percent of the nation voting it their go-to, followed by steak & potato pie with 17 percent of votes. In third was cottage pie with 15 percent.
An actual pie. Image: PA
The UK's Top 10 Pies
1) Steak & ale pie (22%)
2) Steak & potato pie (17%)
3) Cottage pie (15%)
4) Chicken & mushroom pie (13%)
5) Apple pie (10%)
6) Pork Pie (9%)
7) Banoffee pie (7%)
8) Pie barm (4%)
9) Cornish pasty (2%)
10) Cheese & onion pie (1%)
Somewhat shockingly, the pork pie was ranked sixth favourite behind apple pie.
The Pie barm, which has received some bemused criticism of late, only got four percent of the country's vote - or just Wigan's - support.
That wasn't the only surprise. In fact, it wasn't even a surprise when you compare it to what Londoners chose as their favourite pie: banoffee.
No lie, the only banoffee related photo I could find, bolstering the fact banoffee pie isn't a pie. Image: PA
The South's Top 5 Pies
1) Banoffee (43%)
2) Apple Pie (22%)
3) Steak & ale pie (15%)
4) Cottage pie (11%)
5) Chicken & mushroom pie (9%)
Now, being a northerner, my cynicism towards the capital is already deep-seated. I do see London's positives and attractions. But shit like this? It makes me wanna go that step further and back a referendum for the rest of the country to disassociate itself from the city altogether, never mind the EU.
Apple is a big enough shock, but that's because in my own narrow-minded opinion, sweet and savoury doesn't work with pies. At the same time, I understand big numbers of people love apple pie, and can therefore let it pass.
Reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got pork pies? Image: PA
The North's Top 5 Pies
1) Steak & potato pie (47%)
2) Pork pie (33%)
3) Pie barm (10%)
4) Cottage Pie (7%)
5) Cornish Pasty (3%)
Banoffee, though? There's a special place downstairs for anyone who brushes aside a steak and ale pie for the sickly, circle of hell that is a banana and toffee dessert.
If you're talking about desserts, banoffee is perfectly fine. But a pie? No. That's like saying your favourite burger is an egg and cress sandwich.
At the end of the day, if Londoners want to eat banoffee pie that's OK. But if they try spreading it across the rest of the country they've got a second civil war on their hands.
Happy British Pie Week!
Featured Image Credit: PA Images