We've all been there. You're absolutely smashed, decide that it's time that you went home and inspected the insides of your fridge, so call a taxi and jump in.
You proceed to tell the taxi driver your whole fucking life story. If you were sober, you'd never dream of baring your soul in such a cringe-worthy fashion, but you've had one or two jagerbombs too many and your brain is fuzzy. This guy won't judge you, he's your best mate.
BUT WAIT.
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Your new BBF could end up writing shit about you on the Internet.
Credit: PA
There's a whole Reddit thread dedicated to these people. Check out some of these stories and you never know... it could be you.
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Cayhawt: Two girls talking about how they fucked the same guy. Both agreed his dick was too big and he was hurting them by lasting too long, both concluded he was gay. ALSO, two middle aged couples trying to agree to a foursome.
YetiPie: I picked up this young overly affectionate couple that spent the entire trip making out in my backseat and telling each other that they loved each other. Cute.
So I drop off the couple and head on my way to pick up my text fare. I hear a cellphone ring in my backseat, realize it's my previous ride's, and pick up the phone to let them know I have it and I'll come back to drop it off. Turns out it was the guys wife phoning to check in on him while he was on a business trip, which he was thoroughly enjoying with his mistress
colzeZ: I picked up a guy from a gay bar and he was noticeably coming on to me. He then confessed that he was one of the founders of a very popular gaming company and offered me $2000 dollars to come up to his room. He also refused to leave my car unless I kissed his hand. Fun times.
westport76: Former Uber driver here. Picked a girl up a sweet girl from a bar on a Wednesday night - absolutely hammered, about 10pm. She got into my car, apologized for being so drunk and politely asked if we could just drive around a little while, with the windows down.
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I was prepping for a cleaning fee, trying to drive and pull a vomit bag out of the glove box, but no, she just did that airplane thing with one hand out the backseat window. She asked me if I had ever thought about dying, to which I replied, yeah - I guess so.
That's when she told me that she had cancer. It was in her brain and it was too far gone to consider chemo. I remember my heart just pounding. She told me she was dying and she was going to be okay. Tonight she was celebrating with her work friends who threw her a going-away party. She told them she was taking a position abroad.
"I just didn't tell them that abroad was heaven."
Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I turned off my app and cried my ass all the way home.
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hey---: Happened to a friend of mine - He picked up these two girls, lets say Ashley and Emily, who were each other's best friends going out to celebrate Emily's birthday. They were supposed to be going out downtown, but once they were both in the car Emily said was not in the mood and wanted to go back home. Ashley was pissed because she was trying to do something nice for her best friend etc and the two were in a screaming match in my friends car. He ended up dropping off Ashley first and on the way home Emily explained to him that she didn't want to go out because she is pregnant and Ashley doesn't know.
MeltingDog: Picked up a girl mid Saturday. She was a bit upset and a little teary and opened up to me. Turned out a business she had started was failing and she was in debt and had turned to stripping on the side to cover the bills.
She said the pay was good but she kept getting really sick from all the booze she felt obliged to drink (part of her job was making guys spend money at the bar). She hated it and felt trapped and kept asking me what I would do in her situation (I'm a guy, so kind of hard for me to answer). Tried to give her the best advice I could think of like getting the tax office to with hold tax for a while, but couldnt help really. Only thing I could do was end the trip early.
evannnn67: One time I had a group of 3 guys, probably around my age (mid 20s). They seemed nervous, avoided eye contact, and were pretty much silent from the moment they hopped in. I tried confirming the destination, asked how their night was going, etc, but only got muffled mumbling in return.
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As always, I worked the situation out in my head in a calm, rational manner. Something like, "Are these guys trying to rob me? Jack my car? Did they just kill somebody? Am I an accessory to murder? Do they have knowledge of the impending apocalypse?"
But as my paranoia routine winded down, I slowly started to realize what was going on. Between the beads of sweat, occasional jaw clenching, and finally - random giggle outbursts... these kids were tripping fucking balls.
Once it hit me I called them out immediately and told them I was cool. They looked so relieved. I started blasting music (some Umphrey's McGee I do believe) and they just started geeking out by that point. Fun ride.
At the end of the ride, the guy that sat up front tossed me a bag of shrooms. Good times.
Iman_over_9000: A lesbian woman and a gay man, who were best friends, literally confessed their love for one another. It was something they kept from one another for years, and it was beautiful.
Wow. And there's me thinking the secrets I'd told taxi drivers were weird.
Don't ask.
Featured image credit: Getty
Topics: UK News, Funny, Interesting, Taxi, Reddit