You're travelling around Europe in a caravan - how do you want to be woken up in the mornings? By the sound of the sea lapping against the shore? The golden sunlight peeping over the horizon? Or by Gordon Ramsay's cock?
If you chose option three, then you're about to be very jealous of Gino D'Acampo. The Italian chef had the time of your life making a new cooking programme in which he shares a caravan with the big Scotsman.
Speaking about the programme on This Morning, D'Acampo said he learnt that Ramsay is 'a big boy in every way' thanks to the Hell's Kitchen star's bizarre habit of bashing his cock on D'Acampo's foot every morning.
He said: "I had to sleep with Gordon in these caravan beds. [We had to spoon] because he's a big boy in every way.
"We used to get naked in the caravan and Gordon had this thing in the morning to wake me up - seriously, he actually admitted this - he used to wake me up, he used to bash his willy on my foot.
"Every morning it was like, 'Wakey wakey!'
"I was like, 'Are you for real?'"
Predictably at this point, presenter Holly Willoughby's face disappears into her hands in trademark fashion, while co-presenter Phillip Schofield wisecracks: "What was impressive is that he was in bed and you were in the driver's seat!"
And to think all this time we've thought Ramsay was being pretty harsh to the chefs on his TV programmes; I'd certainly take being called a 'FUCKING KUMQUAT' over him pummelling my feet with his supposedly massive schlong.
Don't get me wrong, being woken up by a cock in the morning can be quite pleasant, provided it is a cockerel and later than 10.30am. But Gordon's cordon between your toes is presumably an extremely niche fetish.
Episode one of the programme during which the willy wake ups took place, Gordon, Gino and Fred: Road Trip, airs tonight (Thursday) at 9pm on ITV. The show follows the aforementioned bunk buddies and First Dates star, Fred Sirieux, as they travel around Europe and compete to source the finest ingredients.
Whether the alleged games of morning knob footsie (knobsie?) have made the final cut for the programme is unclear, though it does unfortunately seem unlikely. That said, the show is being podcast post-watershed, so who knows. We can only hope.
Featured Image Credit: PA / ITV