Viewers of a show on Channel 5 last night managed to work themselves into a frenzy about the UK's favourite type of crisps.
Really? Of course.
To be fair, this is actually one of the more normal things that people have been getting all bent out of shape about. Crisps are important, after all.
Anyway, the show - inventively titled Britain's Favourite Crisps - opened up a wound so deep that it never really heals. It's a debate about the ideological soul of crisps.
What even is a crisp? Do Frazzles count? What about Scampi Fries? Monster Munch?
Of course, anyone who says that Monster Munch aren't crisps is a charlatan, a deviant, and a liar. Whilst this show didn't go that far, they didn't afford the Pickled Onion Monster Munch it's rightful place amongst the pantheon of great crisps.
The show found that Walkers, Doritos, and Pringles were the top three crisps. That's a travesty. Have a look for yourself. It's disgusting.
Sure, those are all proud, strong brands of crisps, but come on. They're a solid 7/10. James Milner rather than Lionel Messi.
Viewers have since branded the show 'a national disgrace' and threatened to get broadcasting watchdog Ofcom involved.
Naturally, the people are angry. Fuck Brexit, this is what really gets people going.
Arguments have been had, complaints have been made, but ultimately nothing can be done. Channel 5 have done their business now; the damage is done.
One angry viewer said: "Just rang Ofcom!
"How are Monster Munch not top 3? Sick of all these fake shows making shit up!"
Another angry commentator added: "You hear about all these polls that the so called British public have voted on and yet I or anyone I know have never been asked for a single one of them!
"Who are these people they keep asking?! Why the hell are Monster Munch Mid Tier?! TRAVESTY!"
Of course, Monster Munch weren't the only disappointment. Everyone has their own corner to fight on this, perhaps that's why it caused such fervent debate.
Here's one take: "No French Fries. No Discos. No Skips. No Frazzles. No Space Raiders. No integrity."
Wow. Hard words, indeed.
Actually, Frazzles caused almost as much consternation as Monster Munch. Another Frazzle fanatic said: "One more thing. Where the fuck were Frazzles? Who wants Walkers ready salted over frazzles? Dick heads that's who. Who did they ask anyway? I certainly didn't vote! Fuming."
Jesus, let's get Brexit out of the way as soon as possible so we can finally return to the political decisions that really matter.
This country has never been so divided.
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