HOLY COW - you seen the size of this moo moo?!
The massive cow called Knickers (yes, you read that correctly) has become somewhat famous this week because, well, he's massive.
Weighing in at 1,400kg (3,086lbs), Knickers is double the weight of your average Holstein Friesian steer, making him heavier than a Mini Cooper, a beluga whale or 9,300 potatoes. He is also 6ft 4in (194cm) - the same height as basketball legend Michael Jordan.
In fact, it is only because of Knickers' extreme proportions that he is still around to bask in his new-found fame. His owner, Geoff Pearson, said he was too heavy to be put through the processing facility at the abattoir, as such, he will now be allowed to live out the rest of his days in the paddocks of the farm in Western Australia.
But how did Knickers get so darn big?
Knickers towers over the rest of the herd. Credit: Seven News
Well, you won't be surprised to hear that a cow like that gets through a fuck load of grass - 30kg of grass and grain a day, to be precise.
However, despite his unusually large appetite, Mr Pearson thinks genetics are the main reason why Knickers is so huge.
Speaking to the Daily Mail Australia, he said: "He was always a standout who stood above the rest. We kept him on because we thought he had potential to be a big steer but never imagined he'd grow to be this huge.
"Whenever you want to know where your cattle are you just cast your eye over the paddock and you can't miss him."
But despite the bovine's brawn, he doesn't bully the other cows or get his knickers in a twist, in fact, he is more of a gentle leader of the herd.
Mr Pearson said: "The other cattle look up to him, wherever he goes, they go. If he wants to go for a walk, they follow, if he wants to sit down, they wait around for him to get up.
"It's quite daunting being up close to him, he's far bigger than any other steer I've had. But he's very placid, not aggressive, just inquisitive."
Steers grow to be much larger than bulls because they are castrated at an early age, meaning normal developmental hormone changes that halt growth do not occur. Cattle are also becoming bigger and bigger as a result of selective breeding, whereby farmers choose to breed the biggest cows in order to maximise meat returns.
But even when you consider these factors, Knickers is a freakishly big cow. If it weren't for this freakishness, he would have been killed three years ago, but instead he will be allowed to carry on with his 'job'.
Mr Pearson said: "He's our favourite and one of our best assets, he's part of the furniture now.
"We always got comments from anyone who saw him but he's rapidly becoming a local celebrity now. I'm not sure how we will handle his newfound popularity.
"He's just getting on with his job, which is basically just eating and sleeping."
So the moral of the story - it pays to eat shit loads of grass.
No, sorry - it pays to be different, that's the one.
Featured Image Credit: Seven News