Don't you just hate it when you're innocently strolling through the park and you take a tumble and get your penis trapped inside a metal ring?
No, you don't, because it doesn't happen - which probably explains why a student in China decided to come clean, so to speak, and admit that he got his todger caught in a metal ring trying to pleasure himself.
The student, from Jinan, the capital of China's eastern Shandong Province, got his dong trapped in the cock ring contraption and spent five hours trying to free himself as it painfully swelled.
Normally, you think you'd probably seek help sooner, but with an accident this embarrassing he was probably praying he could somehow detach himself and take the tale to the grave.
Eventually, the student - who wishes to remain anonymous (no shit) - sought assistance from emergency services. It probably made for quite a refreshing change for the fire department to be honest: cat stuck up tree, cat stuck up tree, cock stuck in a ring, cat stuck up tree again.
Rescuers said the bizarrely intricate sex toy that ensnared the student's willy was triple layered, allowing the user to clasp his penis while rotating the outermost ring, which then in turn moved a set of iron beads. How very...alluring?
The student's knob was trapped in the cock ring for eight hours. Credit: Asia Wire
However, it seems the student wasn't au fait with the rotating iron bead sex toy, as he clipped it to the base of his genitals, causing a blood supply obstruction, which in turn led to severe swelling.
Firefighters, with the help of doctors, are reported to have spent THREE HOURS breaking the sex toy into pieces using an electric saw, before finishing off the job with a handsaw as they got closer to his personal jewels.
Just imagine the trust you have to place in a man operating an electric saw just inches from your most precious item. Also, I think I would want firefighters to be taking the supportive role in this intimate procedure, rather than the doctors, but hey.
Eventually the student was freed, having completed this lesson from the university of life, and he is not expected to come away from the ordeal with any permanent injuries, at least from a physical perspective.
So it seems Beyoncé was wrong after all - just because you like it, does not mean that you should put a ring on it.
Featured Image Credit: Asia Wire