Flat Earthers Have A New Theory - Introducing, Doughnut Earth

A long, loooooong time ago, you could be mistaken for thinking the planet we live on is flat. It generally looks flat (barring the odd hill here and there), nobody falls off - why wouldn't it be flat?

But over centuries of human curiosity, we started to question this assumed truth - why has nobody found the end yet, why wouldn't the earth be shaped like the sun and the moon in the sky?

Fast forward to the modern day and hundreds of people have literally been to outer space, looked at our spherical planet and taken loads of pictures of it; but that doesn't mean you can't still stumble upon a dodgy bloke in the pub from the year 400 AD who's having none of it.

But save your mockery of flat earth theorists for the new kids on the regressive astronomical theories block - doughnut earth theorists... or 'doughnuts', as I will be referring to them for short.

Credit: @u/osrsslay/Reddit
Credit: @u/osrsslay/Reddit

The theory was posed on a Flat Earth Society discussion board by pioneering member, Varaug, who said: "I have a theory that the Earth is in fact shaped like a torus (a doughnut shape). However, light is curved so we cannot tell."

YES! Of course, glad we've got that one sorted, cheers Varaug.

But just in case you've got a few nagging little questions about this doughnut's theory, fear not, a handy little FAQ follows to clear everything up.

Why has the doughnut hole never been discovered, you might ask? Well, that's because "light bends and follows the curvature of the torus (doughnut), making the hole 'unseeable'".

Okaaay, and how is this whole night and day business we have working with the big old hole?

"Lay a torch horizontal on a table and turn it on. Now, get a doughnut and place it on it's side, with the hole perpendicular to the torch. The side that is illuminated by the torch is in day," explains Varaug The Visionary.


Right. And gravity? How does that work with planet doughnut?

"Gravity acts as it does in a RE model (round earth model... or real earth model), and people are attracted to large masses. Imagine a doughnut. Imagine a jam doughnut. Gravity acts towards the jam," says Varaug.

... Sorry, what? Jam? Gravity acts towards the jam? When did jam come into this theory? I thought the whole/hole point was that the earth has a hole in the middle, like a doughnut? Is the theory actually, not that the earth is shaped like a ring doughnut, but is in fact a massive jam-filled doughnut?

This is all starting to seem a bit ridiculous if you ask me Varaug.

I suppose it's true what they say - you are what you think the world is shaped like.

Featured Image Credit: @u/osrsslay/Reddit

Jake Massey

Jake Massey is a journalist at LADbible. He graduated from Newcastle University before going to live in Australia and New Zealand for a few years, where he wrote a travel blog. He has previously written for the Eastern Daily Press, Giggle Beats, CALM and Front Magazine. Jake enjoys playing football, listening to music and writing about himself in the third person.

Next Up

arrow-down arrow-left arrow-right arrow-up camera clock close comment cursor email facebook-messenger facebook Instagram link new-window phone play share snapchat submit twitter vine whatsapp logoInline safari-pinned-tab Created by potrace 1.11, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2013