If you are sent to prison, there will inevitably be things you'll miss from the outside world. Naturally, it is something we all hope to avoid.
However, should the day come, it would be good to know what's on the menu. Thankfully, a recent Freedom of Information request sent to Her Majesty's Prison Service has spilled the beans, revealing what is on offer and at what price at Bullingdon prison in Oxfordshire, UK (incidentally, a tin of Heinz baked beans will cost you 95p/$1.25).
Unsurprisingly, there is a fair bit of reasonably priced tinned food for sale. You can get a tin of beans and sausages for 89p ($1.16) if you're not too fussy about the brand. A 'pork luncheon meat tin' will cost you £1.69 ($2.20), and if you want to push out the boat in the tinned department, you can grab some kippers in sunflower oil for £2.25 ($2.93).
Credit: HMP Bullingdon
But it's not all basic fodder, with the menu catering for the more sophisticated palate. Prisoners can pick up spinach leaf tea for 99p ($1.29) and bit of okra or some cous cous for a quid.
If you're having a damn good day and you want to make it better still, why not pick up some 'funtime chocolate milk' and a pair of flip flops? It'll cost you £2.58 ($3.37) but it's bound to put a smile on your face.
Alternatively, you could always go for the 'cock soup', which is only 59p (77c) ... Seriously, it's on the menu. No idea what it means.
Credit: HMP Bullingdon
But what do prisoners do when they've had all the cock soup they can stomach and they just want to kick back and relax? That's right, they play the Lovable Dogs edition of Top Trumps, which is available for £3.19 ($4.16).
Big Kev: "Andy - it's your go!"
Andy: "Alright, alright. I've got a lovable score of eight."
Big Kev: "Fuck, mine's a six. What've you got?"
Andy: "A Chow Chow."
Big Kev: "FUUUCK OFF, is a Chow Chow more lovable than a Maltese!?!"
Andy: "Kev it's just a gam-"
Big Kev: "Fuck off Andy! You're fucking dreaming if you think you're having any of my funtime chocolate milk after pulling this shit."
After a stressful game of Lovable Dogs Top Trumps, Big Andy no doubt likes to work off his anger down the gym, perhaps supplementing his gains with the most expensive item available at the canteen - 1.2kg of Titan Mass Complete gluten free protein powder, priced at £44.99 ($58.70).
Alternatively, he could splash £23.99 ($31.31) on the comforting embrace of a nine tog 'safety quilt'.
Featured Image Credit: PA