If you're going to get yourself arrested, make sure that it's something memorable...
This explanation can be the only one that works for John Henson, a man from Redcar who managed to find himself in court after an incident in which he whacked his penis against the door of a car containing two women, before doing a dump on the pavement, all while the two women inside continued to munch on a bag of chips.
The bizarre tale was told to Teesside Magistrates' Court yesterday as Henson, 44, was tried on charges of indecent exposure and, needless to say, drunk and disorderly.
Henson had been on a long bender when he approached the car containing the women on 29 June, close to his home in Redcar, reports the Metro.
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He began banging his penis on the car door, prompting one of the women to call him a 'dirty bastard', before throwing some of her chips at him and telling her mother, the other passenger, to do the same.
When they eventually closed the car window, he 'continued to wiggle his penis around, then tried to get in the car through the window', according to Prosecutor Rachael Dodsworth.
They attempted to flee the scene, but were blocked in and could not leave. Meanwhile, Henson dropped his trousers and defecated in the street in full view of the women.
"It was obscene and disgusting," said one of the victims, who was in the car at the time of the incident. "I normally go to Redcar with my grandchildren but I was so glad I didn't bring them this time."
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"The dirty bugger put me off going to Redcar, and it put me off my dinner."
A second witness added that it "was an embarrassment for the town of Redcar."
The court was told how Henson had been out partying in Redcar until 4:30 in the morning before going home, taking cocaine and then heading out to a friend's at half past 8 in the morning.
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"He is disgusted with himself," Henson's probation worker told the court. "He says he had a difficult childhood, growing up in Guisborough."
It isn't clear whether growing up in Guisborough constitutes a difficult childhood in and of itself, but I've been to Guisborough and am inclined to think that it does.
"He says when he drinks he drinks heavily," she added.
"I am sure having heard all of that, you realise how unpleasant your behaviour was towards these women," said District Judge Kristina Harrison.
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"They found it extremely distressing - and can you blame them?"
Henson was sentenced to an 18 month community order with six months supervision, sent to rehab for 25 days and ordered to pay the victims £100 compensation.
Topics: UK News, News, Weird, UK