So, you've heard of the Elf on the Shelf, but have you ever heard of accidentally baking the fucker in the cooker? This is exactly what one American woman has done, traumatising her kids in the process.
If you're not familiar with the tradition of Elf on the Shelf, it comes from a 2005 children's book that tells a story about how Santa Claus sends a 'scout elf' to watch over children in the run up to Christmas to make sure they are behaving.
Then, at night, when the kids are in bed, the elf 'mysteriously' moves location around the house, constantly keeping kids on their toes.
Now, that might sound like the stuff of nightmares to most of us, but it is a pretty clever way to keep little brats in line. I mean, how are they supposed to get [insert whatever kids want for Christmas these days] if they're acting up around the elf?
All good festive fun so far, merely bargaining with your kids by using Christmas presents as collateral - timeless.
Well, enter Brittany Mease, who has accidentally taken the emotional blackmail of the Elf on the Shelf to dizzy new heights.
Her two kids had noticed that their elf, called 'Elfis' (get it?), hadn't moved in a while, so she grabbed it when they weren't looking and hid it somewhere she thought they'd never look - the oven.
She was right, they didn't notice. Unfortunately neither did she, until she went to cook them up some delicious pasta bake...
She posted on Facebook:
"I preheated the oven and started cleaning the kitchen. About 4 minutes later I started to smell something REALLY funky and that's when all hell broke loose and I broke my son's heart.
"In mid conversation with [her friend] Brittany I yelled, 'FUCKKKKKKKKK!!!! THE ELF! THE FUCKING ELF IS IN THE OVEN'
"Brittany rushed in to help me get him out and [her son] Gray came in the kitchen with excitement (literally the happiest I think I've seen him since he got out of the hospital) thinking our elf was back but his world fell apart as we were using kitchen utensils to get our burnt and melting elf out of the damn oven."
Poor Gray was apparently heartbroken, but luckily she struck a deal with Santa to get a replacement elf and fix Elfis which, looking at the pictures, seems unlikely. Elfis has left the building.
Words: Tom Woods
Featured Image Credit: Brittany Mease / Facebook