The 'Autoblow AI' Learned To Perform 'Realistic' Oral Sex By Watching Porn

It is a question as old as time itself: "Is there nothing that men won't stick their dick into?"

The answer - as we all know - is nearly always a resounding "no".

If ever more proof were needed to illustrate that point, allow me to introduce you to the Autoblow AI. The world's first oral sex simulator that is capable of using artificial intelligence to teach itself to give better head.

Holy God. Deliver us from this new and unusual evil.

Credit; VIECI
Credit; VIECI

Of course, machines like this don't just invent themselves. The company that makes it is called VIECI and it's raised over £50,000 through a crowdfunding drive to bring us the new and improved Autoblow AI.

They claim that it represents a significant upgrade on the Autoblow 2, an existing machine that is around four years old.

This is because data scientists have fed (pun entirely intended) around six days' worth of pornographic material into it so that it can best decided how to service people.

The machine, and the complete wealth of knowledge it has garnered from this learning expedition, could be yours for just a paltry £99 donation to their Indiegogo funding page. At least, that seems like it might be cheap.

Get in now, though. When these things his retail they'll be around $249 (£194).

Credit: VIECI
Credit: VIECI

Brian Sloan, the inventor, said: "We spent the last three years listening to feedback from our 200,000 Autoblow 2 owners and in response built a new machine that mechanically better replicates the gliding and friction combination of the mouth and hand that men experience during oral sex," explained inventor (and former lawyer) Brian Sloan.

"By using artificial intelligence to, for the first time, understand the mechanics of blowjobs, we discovered and replicated techniques that make using our machine feel less robotic and more human."

Now for the tech side of things. Each Autoblow machine comes fully equipped with a flesh-like sleeve and a '5-inch long stroking plane' that is manipulated by infra-red sensors.

Credit: VIECI
Credit: VIECI

The machine is powered by a standard plug socket connector.

Yes, that's correct. Not only are you putting your cock in a machine, you're also attaching said machine to a mains connection. Here's hoping their safety department did their work properly.

If they didn't, they'd better hope their legal team did.

Anyway, there are 10 different modes to choose from. You could go with the racy sounding "full stroke", or perhaps you'd rather try the frankly dangerous sounding "fast edge".

Credit: VIECI
Credit: VIECI

Now that they've reached their £50,000 goal, you could be getting your kicks from the Autoblow AI as soon as next May.

In reality, Brian claims that he is a crusader trying to readdress the balance between sex toy availability for men and women.

He said: "Walk into any adult store and you'll find the majority of the floor space devoted to pleasure products for women,

"In the men's section you'll find crudely branded rubber body parts and masturbators you need to hold and move up and down manually.

"Few companies focus on men's pleasure in general and even fewer focus on using new technology to offer men new and better experiences.

"Using artificial intelligence helped us ensure the experience is, mechanically speaking, as realistic as possible."

Clearly his scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.

Featured Image Credit: VIECI

Tom Wood

Tom Wood is a freelance journalist and LADbible contributor. He graduated from University of London with a BA in Philosophy before studying for a Masters in Journalism at the University of Salford. He has previously written for the M.E.N Group as well as working for several top professional sports clubs. Contact him on [email protected]

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