Many believe the human race evolved into its current form about 200,000 years ago. Since then, mankind has achieved some really remarkable things.
In 1512, Michelangelo completed one of the most renowned pieces of art in the Sistine Chapel. In 1522, a crew led by Ferdinand Magellan, who sadly died on the voyage, became the first to circumnavigate the globe. In 1903, Wilbur and Orville Wright made four brief flights with their first powered aircraft. In 1969, Neil Armstrong became the first man to set foot on the moon.
But in the year of our Lord 2016, we've finally gone too far. We've ruined it all and we only have ourselves to blame. People are shagging on hoverboards and someone has created a beer using vaginal bacteria. Stop the world, I want to get off this runaway craft beer locomotive.
Here's a girl chugging a pint in 5.5 seconds. We can only assume the beer is not made of vaginal yeast.
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Warsaw-based startup company The Order of Yoni - 'Yoni' being a sacred Hindu name for the vagina - is trying to raise $170,000 on Indiegogo for Bottled Instinct, a beer brewed using the bacteria of Czech model Alexandra Brendlova. Not just your standard bacteria either. They are extracting Brendlova's vaginal bacteria. And making beer with it.
The bacteria is 'isolated and cleaned' before it is combined with water, malt, hops, wooden chips, and yeast to create the most bizarre beer ever made.
On the funding page, the company uses hyper-sexualised language to try and sell us their product:
Imagine a woman of your dreams, your object of desire. Her charm, her sensuality, her passion... Try her taste, feel her smell, hear her voice... Imagine her massaging you passionately and whispering into your ear everything you want. Now free your fantasies and imagine that with a magic wand you can close it in one bottle of beer.
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Oh, and don't forget to check out their promo video. It's an absolute belter.
I think I'll stick to Stella.
Written by Liam Bond.
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Lead image credit: Order of Yoni.
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