It's my secret shame. Well, not that secret, as it's written large all over my face. I can't grow a beard.
Apparently, four million British men are afflicted by this problem, and it's tearing them up inside. Modern fashion in 2018 has George Clooney, David Beckham, Hugh Jackman and just about bloody everyone else sporting face furniture and looking fantastic in the process, causing untold shame on those of us who can't match their beard growth.
A piece of research from BathroomTakeaway.co.uk has found that 13 percent of men in Britain - which equates to four million blokes - feel self-conscious about their inability to grow a full beard, with a further 8 percent, or 2.6 million people, unable to grow a beard at all. Me, I'm in the latter camp.
Apparently, one in five can't even grow chest hair, which is a camp in which I am also included, for fans of receiving too much information off blokes on the internet.
Luckily for us mid-pubescents, 61 percent of women couldn't care less about how much hair you have on your body.
"It's clear that people are spending lots of time and money following strict skincare and grooming regimes," said Julian Smith, Managing Director of BathroomTakeaway.co.uk.
"They are even resorting to measures such as botox and laser hair removal. But it's important that however they choose to maintain their appearance, they do it for themselves rather than being hell bent on following the latest fad."
In terms of keeping the body hair in order, men are quite reticent to sort themselves out. Only a quarter trim their chest hair - 10 percent of which by shaving it, 7 percent by taking the scissors to it, 3 percent by waxing and just 1 percent by laser hair removal. You can thank me for introducing the idea of waxing your chest into your day.
There are serious regional variations in the way that we think about our body hair. The most body insecure are in Northern Ireland, where just shy of 75 percent say that they are unhappy with one of their body parts, while the happiest are in the West Midlands, where 49 percent are OK with the way that they look.
Featured Image Credit: PA