There are a few golden rules when it comes to the world of work. One, don't touch my fucking milk. Two, don't carry your smartphone on you if you're a professional parachutist without zip-up pockets. Fairly standard, well-known rule that one.
Another rule of thumb is you have to bring in cakes or some kind of confectionery on your birthday. It's a shit rule, and it makes no sense (people should be buying me cakes on my birthday) but a rule's a rule.
And finally, buddy up to the receptionists, because they have the boss's ear more than anyone else and the keys to the beer fridge. Be nice to them, and you're on a fast-track train to career success. Or at least a nice person who's pleasant to receptionists.
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Another rule - albeit one quite specific to the world of track and field - is that you shouldn't wear a wig when doing the long jump.
As you can see here...
Credit: BBC
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It may come as a shock, but wearing a relatively loose-fitting hair piece while taking part in fast-paced competitive sport is the kind of thing that may result in hubris topped with major humiliation. In fact, sports and fake hair pieces really aren't a good idea in general. There's a reason Bobby Charlton never bothered, which is good, because he left us with this wondrous hair island.
Think he wasn't embarrassed? Think he didn't wake up every day ashamed of his untamed, recalcitrant, disappearing locks? Of course he was, but also knew that if he tried any funny business up top he'd come a cropper.
Unfortunately, someone didn't deliver that message to Nigerian athlete Blessing Okagbare.
While competing at a track and field event in Oslo on Thursday, the 28-year-old was doing the long jump when her wig came off mid-jump. Though a mite embarrassed by the situation, the athlete later laughed it off on Instagram with a post explaining that she'd feared this might happen one day, although she was understandably disappointed with her seventh-place finish.
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It's a bit of a shame that it's Okagbare's follicle fuck up that brings her global fame as the athlete won silver in the long jump at Beijing 2008 and gold medals in the 100 and 200 metres run-fast events at the Commonwealth games in Glasgow in 2014.
While it's easy to laugh at someone's wig falling off mid-jump (okay, it's very easy), hair has become a deeply political issue in Africa, with many women who choose to wear wigs accused of 'Westernising' their hairstyle. However, social pressures and demands from certain employers for workers to have a 'professional look' (basically, straight hair) lead many black African women to invest heavily in chemical hair straightening products.
Well, that was a fairly long jump from what we were originally talking about here.
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