*WARNING: THERE IS, UNSURPRISINGLY, A PICTURE OF A HEART IN THIS ARTICLE*
Rather disturbingly, a heart, thought to be human, has been found in a bag, in a park, in Ohio.
However, police don't believe that there's a person running around Ohio ripping out people's hearts for laughs, so that's a bonus.
Seemingly determined to trump our story about a giant dildo being found in a park by a Pokémon hunter, (yes, an 18-inch buggerclaw), this is next level stuff.
Credit: norwalkoh.glyphreports.com
Sergeant Jim Fulton told Buzzfeed News that there was a 95 percent chance the heart once belonged to a human.
Initially, the emergency medical services simply threw it in the bin, assuming it was an animal's heart, before being asked to retrieve it. Awkward.
According to Fulton, the likeliest thing that's happened is that it's been lost by a hospital/university or wherever else may keep a human heart.
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'Hi Jacob, you know that heart you took home from the hospital to have a gawp at...'
'Dunno what you mean Dave'.
'You know, Hilda's heart'.
'Nope'.
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'You've lost it, haven't you, you dozy bellend!'
'Don't tell anyone Dave. I was just walking to work, nipped through the park, and now it's gone'.
And now back to a real quote, from a real person. Sergeant Fulton said: "From the condition of the heart, it doesn't appear we have a Jack the Ripper type of case going on."
Reassuring.
"Maybe there's a reasonable explanation."
YEAH, JACOB LOST IT!
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Basically it's definitely not a murderous psycho hurling hearts around, it's just that Fulton can't absolutely, categorically say that just yet. You know, just in case it is actually a murdering psycho.
Main credit: Scott Free ProductionsFeatured Image Credit:Topics: Ohio