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I’m Trapped Inside A Cage Being Forced To Watch Nicolas Cage Films, Please Send Help

I’m Trapped Inside A Cage Being Forced To Watch Nicolas Cage Films, Please Send Help

This is no joke.

James Dawson

James Dawson

Help.

By the time you begin reading this note it's probably too late. You've read the headline but please allow me to explain again: I'm trapped inside a virtual reality cage and I'm being forced to watch Nicholas Cage films.

This is no joke, reader, this is no false alarm. Sometimes the internet takes you to strange places - conspiracy forums where people discuss how Bush did 9/11, or a friend of a friend of a friend's Facebook holiday pics. But I have found the inner-most circle of hell: it's called the Cage Cage and I'm being held prisoner in a virtual world and made to watch Nic Cage films.

My captors are called Mike Lacher, a writer and developer, and Chris Baker, who defines himself as a maker of 'things on the internet that people like to talk about'.

"When Chris suggested we make a cage where you're surrounded by Nic Cage movies, we had no choice but to see it to completion. Watching one Nic Cage movie is great, but watching four simultaneously while locked in a cage is even better," Lacher told The Huffington Post.

"I hacked it together in a few hours and just posted it today."

Credit: Nic Cage As Everyone / Sara Andreotti

There's nothing to eat, I swear to god all these sickos are feeding me are clips from classic Cage flicks like Adaptation, The Wicker Man, Face/Off, and Wild At Heart.

Yes, I'm trapped inside a virtual reality cage and I'm being forced to watch Nicholas Cage films.

I'm not sure how long I've been here, I'm not sure how I can get out. All I can think about is the bees, the bees, the bees, oh no, not the bees.

Credit: Warner Bros. Pictures

One one hand, when he's playing a role in a film that he genuinely likes the script for, it seems like he is an actor capable of putting in decent performance - he is a 'Best Actor' Oscar winner after all.

In a lot of these movies, though, it's like he's decided to take the role purely for the paycheck and then pisses about like a naughty school kid sat with his best mate at the back of the class.

These movies are inconsistent and the performances are too variable to live inside this world much longer. Please send help.

Featured Image Credit: The Cage Cage

Topics: Films

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