Reviews are in for The Quiet Man, Square Enix's latest action-adventure story-teller, and I'm damn happy to say I never bought it. Why? Because it sounds bloody awful.
I remember watching the game's first trailer, and almost immediately I was intrigued and excited by the fact your protagonist is deaf, wondering how this would affect other characters, combat, and gameplay in general.
But my excitement was rather premature, as a number of reputable publications have slated the interactive drama as a complete failure, with Metacritic scores coming in at the worst of the worst. Well, it's third-worst in the 2018 running, to be precise.
Before we get to the plot - which is reportedly impossible to completely follow - take a look at what critics made of The Quiet Man. Get your popcorn ready...
GameSpot - 2/10
The Quiet Man is astonishingly dire - a graceless, outdated game that belongs squarely in the era of laserdiscs and the Philips CD-i.
Eurogamer - Avoid
It is a terrible idea, poorly executed, which is insulting to the hard of hearing as well as the time of everyone who plays it.
The Quiet Man is The Room of video games and a once-in-a-generation trainwreck. Square Enix's latest channels the sound of silence - but deserves to hear a chorus of boos.
Screen Rant - 1.5/5
What initially had promise as a core concept fails in its final iteration, with issues across the board from its pacing through to the combat mechanics themselves.
Metro - 2/10
A terrible idea poorly realised, with a mixture of pretentious, gimmicky storytelling and banal combat that is almost awe-inspiring in the full extent of its incompetence.
PC Gamer - Spectacularly Bad
There are lots of bad games, but for a game that was announced at E3 and made by a major publisher and studio to be this catastrophic is something.
Metacritic - 33/100 Metascore / 3.1/10 User Score
"A game about a deaf guy that can only be appreciated by blind people," as reviewed by GangsterSwedish.
Dane from The Quiet Man. Credit: Square Enix
On paper, The Quiet Man should've at least been interesting - especially with Square Enix's backing. You play the role of Dane, a young deaf man who lost his mother and works for a local crimelord, we think.
His apparent girlfriend is kidnapped by a man in a creepy bird mask - similar to those Plague Doctors wore to prevent catching the, er, plague - and he goes after him, beating up a load of weirdly dressed bad guys along the way.
A video game that spends half its time being a film was probably never going to work in this day and age, especially when the majority of the full-video clips centre around dialogue - dialogue you can't understand. The game is only £10.79 on Steam right now, though, so it's not a great outlay if you're really curious to check out a gaming disaster of our times. Alternatively, you could buy it for your annoying little cousin for Christmas.
What do you think about the game and its reviews? Have you played it? Are you going to? Let us know.
Featured Image Credit: Square Enix