"All the drinks are free as long as you drink as much as me." These are the wise words of 58-year-old Stephen Harris from Swansea.
Stephen Harris embodies all that it is to be a lad. Eight years ago he set about creating a man cave in secret. Today, it is a masterpiece.
On that fateful day, eight years ago, Stephen knocked a hole from the dining room into the garage to begin his quest to create the ultimate man cave. His wife had no idea.
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"His wife went fucking bonkers as it was all done while she was at work," Stephen's son Teddy told us. "But it does make sense because we don't have to go around the back garden to get in now."
I only wish I had been there when she walked in to her home to see a massive hole in the dining room wall. But alas, Stephen rode that storm because he knew there was a greater good to be served.
As we all know, men need a place to collect their thoughts, drink a beer, watch the football and do man stuff. While the pub once served this purpose, the price of a pint and TV rights have made the local a less enticing option.
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Also, most pubs don't have half the mod-cons and tech Stephen has installed.
There's a 50-inch 3D TV with 50-inch sound bar, festoon lighting across the ceiling, three under-counter fridges, soundproofed walls and doors and a bar.
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I think the most impressive thing is the raised open flooring, so beer spills go straight into drainage. This guy is making Tony Stark look like a cheap bastard and making the pub obsolete.
The garage is a one-car space but has previously fit 16 men inside at once. Even that sounds better than the local on derby day, to be fair. As a massive Swansea City fan, Stephen's also been kitting out the man cave with as much memorabilia as he can find.
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"Some of the programs date back as far as the 1970s. We're always keeping our eyes out on eBay and Amazon looking for vintage stuff," Teddy added. "A fair bit of it has been given to us for free and whoever does donate gets a free day at the bar."
Some of the beers on the wall are older than the cave itself. Teddy couldn't ever put a price on the value of his glorious creation.
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"It's priceless now. My dad thinks it's not worth a lot because whenever he's with customers, he always ends up talking football. If they have any old football tops or anything else, it ends up on the walls or ceiling," Teddy continued. "I've bought him a few for his birthdays and his wife got him that signed Scott Sinclair top from the playoff Final at Wembley. There's also a picture of Eric Cantona in a Swans top."
But did Stephen's wife ever get over the hole in the dining room wall for the door? Well, yes, she did. And possibly for the most pragmatic reason ever.
"She loves it now. He can go out whenever he wants and he's still in. They both win."
Of course.
Oh, and if you're wondering why there are Man Utd and Liverpool shirts on the ceiling, there was a leak once so Stephen decided he wouldn't want to risk damaging his beloved Swansea shirts. Makes sense.
Anyway, this is one of the few occasions where a man has disregarded his wife's (initially more sensible) opinion and come up trumps. The outcome is nothing short of superb.
We salute you Stephen. Fancy coming down and sorting us out with a man cave at the office?
Words by George Pavlou
All images provided by Teddy Harris
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