There aren't many circumstances where the best man can get away with not attending the stag do. Unless they've died, there's no excuse for missing the pre-wedding piss-up. Or if they live in Bermuda and can't get time off work. We'll let that slide.
29-year-old John Bentley missed his brother's stag for that very reason. He'd just moved half way across the world for work (he's a pharmacist) and he had to make a choice between stag in Lisbon or the wedding. But sometimes, these tough decisions need to be made. He chose to save himself for the wedding.
"I love a stag do and the only thing worse than missing it is having to see all the photos when they get back," John told TheLADbible. "I thought if I am going to miss it, I may as well try and get in the photos."
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How could anybody possibly get in the photos when they're in Bermuda? It's OK, John thought of that. He visitied mycutout.co.uk and spent £85 on a life-size cardboard version of himself.
"It was funny because I meant to send it to my brother-in-law's house but they sent it to my billing address at my parents' house by mistake. My mum got a 5ft11 cut out of me in the post. She thought I'd sent it home as a present because she missed me."
The stag do lads from Margate were off to Lisbon for three days. They needed to get the cardboard cut out of John to Portugal without his brother Robert finding out. The first time the stag saw the cut out of his brother was at baggage claim at Lisbon airport.
"I think he carried me around for three days like a proper weirdo. He's a bit of an attention seeker so was a bit gutted that I was getting more attention than him on his own stag do, especially from the girls. Not sure if that makes me feel better or worse for not going."
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Judging by the pictures, it looks like the stag and the cardboard cut out had a great time...
After such a great weekend bonding with his brothe, you'd think Robert would be keen to keep the memento. He wasn't.
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"The cheap bastard wouldn't pay the £32 to put me in the hold on the way home so as far as I know, I'm still stood up somewhere in Lisbon airport."
I hope a mustachioed Portuguese man in a too small white polo is currently shouting profanities at a 2D cardboard cut-out, seething because it refuses to alter its unblinking stare. What a sight that would be.
Anyway, if John could do it all again, would he?
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"I'll be honest, I was pretty close to making the stag and just sending the cut out to the wedding instead - probably would have given a better speech."
Next time, John. Next time.
Featured Image Credit:Topics: Funny