A man has shared a cautionary tale that illustrates the importance of keeping your sex toys clean and properly stored... which is possibly information that none of us needed today, but it does make for quite an amusing story.
Posting on the Today I Fucked Up sub-reddit, the man shared the horrifying - and ultimately pretty painful - story of his recent encounter with a Fleshlight.
For the uninitiated, a Fleshlight is a sex toy for males that outwardly resembles a torch (or flashlight) but inside has a rubber vagina - or mouth, or anus, depending on your preference.
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So now we're all up to speed, let's get back to this poor bloke's shite day.
The man wrote that he bought himself a Fleshlight back in February 2018, using it 'on and off again for about three months' until he decided to put it away for good after beginning a new relationship with his now-girlfriend.
"Flash forward to yesterday," he wrote. "I was looking through my old junk. I was bored and decided to do some (late) spring cleaning, when I came upon the box. I smirked and opened up the box to see my prized possession, the Fleshlight. I put it aside for today, when I decided to use it. Out of lube, I went it dry, fuck up #1.
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"Once I reached as far in as my lil member would let me in it, I felt a tickling sensation. Uneased, I pulled out fast, giving my dick a rug burn type sensation."
So far, so awful, right? But it's about to get a lot worse.
He continued: "To my surprise, and disgust, I was met with a spider on the tip of my dick. Without thinking, I instantly flicked it off with my long ass fingernails, scraping the tip of my dick. In pain, I freaked out and let the spider get away."
Summing up, he wrote: "My dick now hurts, and a spider is now loose in my house." Not ideal and almost certainly not the result he was going for.
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After the post was flooded with comments, the poster added that he has since thrown out the toy because he couldn't get the image out of his head, which seems fair.
He also confirmed that he found the spider and has since killed it.
RIP.
Featured Image Credit: PA