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Parenting: a wonderful world full of love, affection and blatant LIES. Well, they weren't blatant at the time, and now we think about it, some were pretty creative to be fair.
It's like our parents actually spent their working hours plotting to make us behave. All they did was tell us a load of bullshit and bam, we were silent - or eating our vegetables.
Sneaky bastards, weren't they?
Thinking about it now it's probably what the whole parenting malarkey is all about - being creative, by which it's fair to say we mean 'conniving fibbers'.
And here are some of the best lies we were told:
Got no change for an ice cream? No bother.Just tell your kid that the music on the ice cream van means they've run out. Pretty cruel, but a popular one nonetheless.
The ultimate bad behaviour deterrent for any situation was to simply utter the words 'Santa is watching'. Shit immediately got real; you knew to zip it, sit down and STFU.
Sometimes it was for our own benefit - if our parents didn't want us to be reckless and choke on the stone of a plum or wonder what the pip of an apple would taste like, they would just explain that a fruit tree would grow in your tummy.
And if you ever accidentally did it, you would wait for the inevitable to... never happen. Nice one, guys.
Then there was the classic fib about how turning on the light in the car is illegal, and the police would almost certainly drive past if you were fiddling about and turned it on. Let's face it, you didn't want your dad to get arrested. Well, hopefully you didn't.
Another classic - 'eating carrots will make you see in the dark', and who the hell didn't want to experience night vision? For our parents, five a day was ticked off very easily. A cunning strategy.
Then there was the old chestnut when your 'rents told you that watching TV for too long would give you square eyes. You didn't want square eyes but Rosie and Jim was just so good you didn't want to miss a second.
One person told us another good 'un from their parents: "Having to wait 30 mins after eating to get back in the pool." This one sort of makes sense though... full stomach + exercise = sick in said pool. Is that a lie or just an estimate that amounts to good advice?
Another said: "When I walked in the bedroom and they shouted get out before I could see anything, they said they was wrapping my Easter eggs." Wait, who got wrapped Easter eggs?!
A third person added: "If I cross my eyes when the wind changes I'll stay like it." True that one, isn't it?
Another was that cracking your fingers would immediately lead to a lifetime of arthritis. Sounds legit, but studies suggest it's nonsense.
There was also the good old Sunny Delight one - if you drink too much you'll turn yellow. Actually, there was one documented case of this happening, as a kid drank so much they effectively overdosed on the ingredient betacarotene - which can also be caused by carrots. Wait, so not only can they not help you to see in the dark, but they can also turn you yellow...?!?
Luckily the recipe for Sunny D changed when it was taken over by a new manufacturer years later, so drink away.
Back to fibs, someone on Twitter offered this gem: "Once the film started, the cinema toilets were locked. And when the film ends, the toilets are unlocked." Poor kid.
Another added: "My dad told me that the hazard button in the car was for the ejector seat." Classic.
And don't even get us started on the tooth fairy - it's too raw.
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