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Asexual Man Is Living With A Couple And 'Co-Parenting' Their Baby

Asexual Man Is Living With A Couple And 'Co-Parenting' Their Baby

The couple say he will live with them right until their baby goes to college

Dominic Smithers

Dominic Smithers

A man who has not had sex in almost a decade has moved in with a couple to help raise their daughter.

David Jay is asexual and though he has had sex a few times, he has abstained from intercourse for the past eight years.

But now the software developer has started a relationship with a couple, Zeke Hausfather and Avary Kent, and is in the process of adopting their 18-month-old daughter to become her 'co-parent'.

The 36-year-old lives with Zeke, also 36, a climate scientist, and Avary, 34, the director of a not-for-profit, with their daughter in San Francisco, California.

David said: "She calls Zeke 'Daddy' and me 'Dadda'. I never thought I'd be able to form a family as an asexual, so I'm overjoyed to be a father with my co-parents."

Avary added: "We are most of the way through the adoption process and David will legally be her father.

The trio met at a conference in San Francisco, in 2010.

"I expect for him to live with us all the way until she goes to college."

David said he realised he was asexual when he was just 13 years old.

"At first I assumed I was a late bloomer or there was something wrong with me," he continued.

"I thought I was sexually repressed or sexually traumatised and that I was going to be alone forever and no one would want to be in a relationship with me."

When he was 18, David 'came out' to his family, and though he has no interest in sex, he longs for intimacy.

He said: "I like cuddling and I like physical touch but I don't feel a pull towards sex.

"I have had some relationships where I have kissed my partners."

David was 18 when he 'came out' to his parents that he was asexual.

In 2010, David met Avary at a conference in San Francisco.

He said: "Something inside me felt, 'these people are doing things that I really want to be doing'.

"We just had a really great energy together."

After a year of friendship, David told the couple that he wanted to take their friendship to the next level.

He said: "We went on a long walk and talked about our connection and how we wanted it to grow.

"We started spending more time together."

A year after Zeke and Avary tied the knot in 2014, the couple took the bold step to ask David if he would have a baby with them.

He said: "I cried a little bit and I was really honoured.

David is now in the process of adopting their 18-month-old daughter and becoming a 'co-parent'.

"We talked about what it would entail: an equal amount of money for education and changing diapers.

"In Avary's second trimester I moved into their home. We did all the birthing classes together."

Zeke and David were both on hand to help with the birth of their first child in 2017.

David said: "In the waiting room, Zeke slept on the fold-out bed and I slept in a sleeping bag.

"We took shifts helping Avary out, getting up every three hours to help with the feed."

All three 'co-parents' now agree that their family model has so far been a success.

David said: "It's been great. Avary and Zeke get more sleep and have more time for one another because I'm around to help out.

"We can show up as parents with a lot more joy and a lot more energy."

Avary said: "We are told that parenting is a brutal slog and resource-intensive and painful and women are exhausted all the time.

"We are pushing back against that narrative and saying you can create the support and the community you need."

Zeke added: "Living in San Francisco, most of our friends, even if they are couples, have roommates.

"We are increasingly forming communities as adults that are not just two people living together."

Featured Image Credit: SWNS

Topics: Sex and Relationships, Interesting, US News, Community, Free to Be