You Can Now Get Merry With Gin Filled Christmas Crackers
It's a mere 63 days - that's just over two months, or just under 7 weeks, or around 5,000,000 seconds, depending on how you count it - until Christmas.
Is that too early to be busting out the Pogues and Kirsty McColl yet? Too soon to don a Mariah Carey snowsuit? A little premature for the Roy Wood out of Wizzard fake beard? Wait, wasn't it Christmas every day in his house anyway?
Regardless, the leaves are falling, the temperature is dropping and it will soon be time to be getting out the decorations and popping a cracker or two - so let us talk you through this year's greatest Christmas innovation. Gin Christmas crackers. No, really. All the fun of Christmas crackers, with the added fun of gin.
Say goodbye to the crepe (crap?) paper hats and groan-worthy jokes, say hello to shots of Mother's Ruin.
Hampshire company Drinks in Tube - guess what they sell? - are offering the next level in festive frippery by offering a humble cracker supplemented by more gin than Judy Finnegan's Christmas lunch.
There are the usual trimmings of a party hat and 'witty remark' as they put it (we'll be the judge of that...) and an artisanal bottle of gin.
The tipples in question are Masons Yorkshire Dry Gin, a citrusy shot with fennel and green apple notes, a traditional floral and botanical flavoured, juniper-based effort from Sussex distillers Chilgrove Dry Gin and a sweet, slightly-spiced Anno Dry Gin from Kent.
Now obviously, such a package doesn't come cheap. We're willing to bet decent money that a bottle of tongue sharpener costs more than the shitty plastic pencil sharpener usually found in a Christmas cracker, and that is reflected in the price: £47.50 a box.
If gin isn't your thing, you can also pick up a £39.99 set with vodka or even shell out £60 for a set of six that incorporates the Masons Dry Gin or even some Philippe de Castaigne VSOP Cognac.
Credit: Drinks In Tube
They're available online, of course, from Drinks In Tube's own website, and if you're really wanting to get into the spirit, then you need to head on over to the Spirit of Christmas Fair, which is being held between the 30th October and the 5th of November at London's Olympia.
There you can find over 800 independent boutiques that sell only the most luxurious - their words - 'most extraordinary' gifts.
Featured Image Credit: Drinks In Tube