Meet The Man Arguing That He Has The World's Biggest Penis
Remember the bloke who managed to make Holly Willoughby blush on This Morning a few years back - telling her that his junk 'seldom ever' holds him back when in bed with someone, and that he's 'extremely into foreplay'?
That man is none other than Jonah Falcon, who is famous for his 13.5in penis - and for the song he released about it back in 2013, aptly titled 'It's Too Big'.
In an interview with Rolling Stone, the actor and writer revealed that, by the age of 10, his penis was 8in long. By seventh grade, his penis had grown to 9.5in erect.
He also said that he was approached by two men at the age of 15, who asked him: "Are you Jonah Falcon? Have you had sex yet? Would you be interested in making some money?"
He later learnt that the two men were adult filmmakers - which was the moment when he realised that people knew about him.
These days, Falcon's busy dealing with some serious beef with Roberto Esquivel Cabrera, another man who's, er, big in the large penis world - and, more importantly, the man with the biggest penis in the world... who dethroned Falcon.
Yep, this is a case of an almost-literal dick swinging contest going on between two men.
Now, if we're going to talk numbers, Roberto's is 18.9 inches long, while Jonah's is 13.5 inches. That techincally makes Roberto the 'winner' of this extremely weird battle of the bulge.
However - and here's where the plot thickens - Jonah says that Roberto's cheating, and that his supposed natural length has been the result of 'stretching'.
Yep, that was the sound of penis owners across the globe taking a short, sharp, squeamish intake of breath. Jonah reckons he's been stretching his actual willy.
"His penis isn't 19 inches," 47-year-old Jonah told the Sun.
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"Doctors have acknowledged this and said he could have a normal sex life if he is essentially circumcised.
"[Roberto's story] has been going around for the past two-and-a-half years.
"The man stretched his foreskin constantly, from what I understand, but it's normal underneath.
"I think it's ridiculous and he seems kind of desperate. No matter how big he is, it's not going to change the fact that I'm 13.5 inches."
He also said that he wasn't arsed about Roberto's claims, saying: "I'm not competing with anybody, at least not directly. It's not going to change who I am and what I have and in my eyes, it's kind of pathetic.
"If you can't use it, what good is it for?"
And apparently what Jonah's saying - not that he's bothered, remember - might actually be true, according to radiologists who performed a CT scan on Cabera. They also say most of his penis is foreskin, after all.
"Our findings on the CT scan were that he has a very large foreskin, it goes almost to the knee," said radiologist Jesus Pablo Gilmore.
"The glands themselves are only six to seven inches from the pubic. It doesn't go all the way through the foreskin."
C'mon, guys. Haven't you always been told it's not the size that matters?
Featured Image Credit: This Morning / ITV