Today is Robbie William's birthday and is there any better way to celebrate the occasion than remembering the time he got wanked off by a random stranger while sleeping in a castle? I don't think there is.
Speaking on The Graham Norton Show, Robbie recounted a story from his wild days as a pop star...and yeah, it's weird. It's really weird.
Advert
He begins the story by explaining that he once rented a castle to rehearse in (of course he did) and that he awoke early one morning to find a strange woman in his room. He assumed she was a cleaner, but I think more importantly, he was half-asleep and didn't really care.
"I open my eyes and there was a lady at the bottom of the bed. She could have been anywhere from 28 to 58. She's got this headset on, it's got this tape on it and the lead went down to a cassette player. We were well into the days of CDs at this time and I was like, 'Wow'," he told Graham and other guests Justin Timberlake, Anna Kendrick and Daniel Radcliffe.
Advert
Credit: BBC/The Graham Norton Show
"But you just woke up so you don't really know what's going on. She looks at me. I look at her. I went, 'Alright'? She went, 'Alright'? She looked on the floor where my underpants were, and she went, 'Calvin Kleins?' and I went, 'yeah,' and she said, 'Pussy'!
His fellow guests Justin Timberlake, Daniel Radcliffe and Anna Kendrick couldn't really believe it. Credit: BBC/The Graham Norton Show
Advert
"I'm like, okay, this is definitely really weird. She went, 'Have you got morning glory?' This is back in the day when I used to have morning glory. So I was like, 'Yeah!'
She says, 'I'll wank you off'! I'm really young and creative so I can close my eyes and pretend it's somebody else, so it's like, 'Yeah, go on then!'
Advert
So, that's the end of that, then? Well, no, because he goes on: "Anyway, she does the dirty deed and it's confusing. I felt defiled. Off she went on her merry way!
"That night I was with the lady who ran the castle. I said, 'Your cleaner's weird!' She said, 'We don't have cleaners on a Wednesday'. It was just somebody who had walked in off the street, come up and give me a hand job, and then left!"
Jesus, Robbie, are you OK?
Credit: PA
Advert
It gets even weirder, because he then went on to talk about telling his band about it three years later; as he got to the end of the story his drummer shouted up: 'That's Maureen, she told us she did that but we didn't believe her!'
Let's just hope Maureen had some hand-sanitiser, eh?
This isn't the first time Robbie has decided that national TV is the perfect place for him to open up about his sex life.
Remember the time he said: "I am very fortunate to have been in Take That and four out of five of the Spice Girls."?
And, then he had to take it back, saying that it was just a joke that had been taken out of context?
Credit: PA
Well, that's what I thought, too but it seemed to be confirmed by Spice Girl Mel B last year when she appeared on an Aussie radio show and she made it pretty clear that he had in fact bedded Ginger, Sporty, Posh and Baby.
She told the hosts: "Robbie apologised to me yesterday. He's said he's had liaisons with all the Spice Girls and I said 'not me - I'm the only one you haven't.' He's said it's all been taken out of context, so he got a slap on the wrist from me."
His wife Ayda Field on the other hand, well, she had a bit of a confession session on Loose Women a while back, when she admitted that she had faked orgasms in the past.
Robbie with his wife Ayda. Credit: PA
Opening up to her fellow-hosts she said: "I don't think I'd be offended. I have faked it before. I'm not saying just with Rob, just in general. I have two kids, tea is on, there's I'm A Celebrity, I have things to do.
"I'm too much of a people pleaser. I feel bad, I want them to be encouraged. You want them to feel strong and manly."
Credit: Loose Women/ITV
After overhearing her oversharing Robbie stormed on stage in mock-outrage shouting "I don't believe it. You've been faking it!" Before adding, "Maybe we could practice tonight?"
Happy birthday, you dirty bugger.
Featured Image Credit: PA ImagesTopics: Robbie Williams