The lovable star of An Idiot Abroad series one, two, three and four, Karl Pilkington, is 44 on Friday. What better way to celebrate arguably the most quotable man in history's big day than with a list of all the stupid things he has said in front of the camera.
In Series one of An Idiot Abroad, he was asked to visit the Great Wall of China. After realising that it had been heavily restored in both the 1950s and the 1980s, he wasn't very impressed. "I thought I'd seen the Great Wall of China. But to be honest with you it's only alright. It's the All Alright Wall of China." He said this moments after being told that his producers wanted him to travel the entire length of the wall, all 5,500.3 miles of it.
Another unforgettable Pilkington moment was captured on camera in Mexico. "Well, Jamie is in charge of health and safety and he's fucked off back." He said this seconds before being chased by a bull charging towards him and others with live fireworks being set off on its back.
Again in Series one, Pilkington found an unlikely companionship, albeit brief, with a lizard. "It's weird how you can have something in common with something so different. That's like millions of years old that," he said pointing to the lizard. "But it still likes a Hob Nob."
While many would give anything to encounter a wild gorilla in person, the lovable idiot wasn't all that impressed. "I came face-to-face with a gorilla, which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla just sat there doing nowt."
Most of the time, he makes good sense of the world around him. "I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave." Modest, amicable and clearly all this travelling has done wonders for his outlook on life.
"Nothing is ever perfect. Have you ever seen a sight like that? But who put that there?" he said while standing on top of a mountain pointing to a yellow digger that was parked on the cliff's edge overlooking serene vistas above the clouds.
And who can forget the almighty rants he used to leave on Ricky Gervais's phone - mainly in retaliation to the ridiculous tasks producers left him on his voicemail. Nevertheless, this one was class: "Listen, I'm stuck here like some c*nt on the front of a boat. It's going dark, I've been on it for Christ knows how fucking long, it's doing my fucking head in. This is fucking ridiculous. I'm here with a coat over me eating Fisherman's Friends and I fucking feel.... Urgh! See you later."
After the bastards Stephen Merchant and Gervais subjected the him to do so much shit, it's not surprising he sometimes got pissed off with it all.
Video Credit: YouTube/Sky1
When asked what super power we would like to have, many of us would choose flying or being able to breathe underwater, or perhaps invisibility. Perhaps X-Ray vision? Dirty fuckers. Not Pilkington. "I'd be bullshit man," he confidently said. "There are so many meetings going on when you know people are bullshitting. I'd like to walk in - I wouldn't need a special costume, I'd just dress like this. I would like to fly in and go 'bullshit'. You're talking bullshit, and they would go, 'it's bullshit man', and I would go, 'yeah it is bullshit man', and eventually people would stop talking shit." - I like it!
Controversial at times, but never intentionally a dickhead, Pilkington speaking his mind is what has made his quotes so memorable. "I give loads to charity, helping old people, deaf kids, save the kids. If anything, I'd say I am single-handedly causing the world's population problems because I'm saving everyone. I'm like superman."
Having experienced all walks of life in many different cultures, the man has been to the most remote corners of the world to try and understand how others survive. "It's mad, isn't it, no matter where you live, there's a nutter."
"If your dreams are better than your real life, then what is the point? Your dreams should never be better than your real life... Unless you're a sloth because they're asleep a lot."
Here are some more...
In the words of our national treasure: "It's been interesting, Steve. I've learnt a lot, I've seen a lot, I've done a lot and I've shat a lot." That's how he summed up India.
Can you imagine how much more material we would have if we included what he said off camera?
Happy birthday, Karl Pilkington. Never, ever change!
Featured image credit: Sky1/An Idiot Abroad S03E03
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